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Standards/ Convictions

My dh wants dds and I to only were dresses and skirts. This is the way he was raised and the way his siblings are raising their families. However, when we got married he knew that I did not share that conviction with them. He never said that is what he expected before we married. As of late it has become an issue and he will not let it go. What should I do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:18 PM on Jun. 28, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

Answers (23)
  • Aks him why all of the sudden it's an issue. Perhaps someone said something to him to make him feel funny about you wearing pants.

    IhartU

    Answer by IhartU at 5:32 PM on Jun. 28, 2009

  • Tell him where to shove it.

    Seriously..... he married you - a person with her own mind, own beliefs, own standards, own convictions. If you did not "meet" his standards & convictions, he should've moved on. But he didn't. You are not his lump of clay to be molded to suit his desires.

    And it is completely unjustified for him to out-of-the-blue change the kids' wardrobe, too. I can understand setting limits at certain ages, but to make it a new rule to toss out the pants when the 2 of you didn't AGREE it would be that way ---- nu-uh.

    That's how I see it at least.... I'm sure someone will disagree.
    Laura1229

    Answer by Laura1229 at 5:35 PM on Jun. 28, 2009

  • Explain to him that you've prayed about it and don't feel convicted. It sounds like he's pentecostal and SOME pentecostals can be pretty extreme...every religion/denomination has it's extremes.

    I don't think it's fair or right for him to try converting you or judging you based on your appearance. Maybe you guys can talk to your pastor/preacher/minister (whatever you call it where you go) about this issue.
    ReneeK3

    Answer by ReneeK3 at 5:39 PM on Jun. 28, 2009

  • I would ask him who said something that bothered him.  If you and your daughter wearing skirts and dresses were so important to him then why didn't he bring it up until now?

    anetrnlov

    Answer by anetrnlov at 5:55 PM on Jun. 28, 2009

  • He probably thought he could change yor mind after you all got married.
    my2kids312

    Answer by my2kids312 at 6:19 PM on Jun. 28, 2009

  • SOME MEN FEEL THAT AFTER THEY GET THAT ALL IMPORTANT DOCUMENT, YOU BECOME THEIR PROPERTY AND THEY CAN DO ANYTHING WITH YOU!!! SET HIM STRAIGHT, NOW OR YOU WILL FOREVER BE HIS SLAVE OF FASHION!!! STAND YOUR GROUND!!!!
    older

    Answer by older at 7:07 PM on Jun. 28, 2009

  • No offense to your husband but it sounds like he may just want to control you and your girls. Did something happen recently in his life that may be making him act this way? Did someone say something to him? Sounds like you two need to sit down and calmly talk this out. I really wish you all the best.
    AnamCara1

    Answer by AnamCara1 at 7:19 PM on Jun. 28, 2009

  • I agree with both Anetrnlov and my2kids. Either someone said something to him or he thought that once you were married, he could change you.

    Marriage is about comprimise and unless he is willing to comprimise with you, your marriage will not work. So, you can wear skirts until you feel so oppressed by him that you get sick of him, resent him and divorce him OR he can have the option of you choosing your own clothing and him having HALF a say on what the girls get to wear (or something to that nature). If you wearing pants offends his family, maybe another comprimise could be that you wear skirts in their home to respect their customs. When they're in your home, TOUGH COOKIES, wear whatever you want.

    Like you said, he knew this BEFORE he married you and never said anything. He is the one with the problem and needs to learn to get over it.
    NovemberLove

    Answer by NovemberLove at 7:32 PM on Jun. 28, 2009

  • I would recommend marriage counseling - honestly, is this the ONLY issue you have where you are uncomfortable or unable to communicate with your husband? Likely, there are lots of other issues between you that will cause lots of friction in your marriage if you are unable to articulate your positions or understand why both of you want what you want, and then come to a compromise you can both agree to. While there's value in saying, "It's the way I was raised", when it interferes with your ability to have a healthy relationship, then you need to learn how to look deeper into the belief system that built the rigidity of that response. Good luck, but I'd go with counseling.
    JPsMommy605

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 8:18 PM on Jun. 28, 2009

  • SOME MEN FEEL THAT AFTER THEY GET THAT ALL IMPORTANT DOCUMENT, YOU BECOME THEIR PROPERTY AND THEY CAN DO ANYTHING WITH YOU!!! SET HIM STRAIGHT, NOW OR YOU WILL FOREVER BE HIS SLAVE OF FASHION!!! STAND YOUR GROUND!!!!

    Why don't you shut up and let her work things out in a godly manner. She already knows what the deal is. This is something for them to work out alone. She does need some unwise old lady giving her false teachings.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:55 PM on Jun. 28, 2009

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