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What your thoughts?

This guy I am seeing and I seen in the past said he didn't want a serious relationship, but we hang out together and he gets jealous when I hug other guys, he talks about me at work, tells me how beautiful I am etc. The other day he said he wants to take it slow and today I asked him if he sees us going any further and he said I still want to see you. What would you think about that if he said it to you? Thanks Got ? please ask.

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Asked by Lisa_Lynn at 10:17 AM on Jun. 29, 2009 in Relationships

Level 11 (650 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • hmmm. Me I would think he is keeping his options open just in case he finds something better. but thats just me.

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 10:22 AM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • I am probably just of a suspicious nature, so don't let me rain on your parade, but I'd be suspicious. It is easy to put on an act and to behave the way you think someone wants you to behave. I'd keep a distance. If you let yourself get serious, you are opening the door to trouble and a broken heart, and then he walks away and says well I told her I didn't want a relationship. So my advice, for what it is worth, would be to ignore what he says (or is reported to have said) at work, and listen to what he says in person- he doesn't want a relationship, he wants to take it slow. Keep a distance. If he decides he is serious, then is the time to decide if you want a relationship with him. Sometimes men, (and women, for that matter,) have one thing in mind and try to get it from someone who seems naive and willing, for the sake of that carrot called a relationship.

    Answer by Bmat at 10:26 AM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • LOL - considering the reading I've been doing lately, I would say that he does not have a secure attachment from his early childhood. I would also say that if you want a relationship with him, then help him find ways to obtain a secure attachment, so he would need to find out what's blocking him from achieving what you both probably want - a serious, committed relationship. He probably just doesn't know HOW to go about it without bringing up past memories (whether actual recalled memories or just "sensations" that make him uncomfortable but can't put his finger on) of previous intimate relationships (whether with his own parents/caregivers or with other women). If you want a relationship with him, then I would say work with him, but it will take work on BOTH your parts.

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 10:27 AM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • Or, like the PPs said, it could be that he's totally conscious and aware of all his choices and he's playing you like a fiddle.

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 10:28 AM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • He's stringing you along...back-up. He's waiting for something better to come along. If a man is really into you, he wouldn't risk loosing you.

    Answer by Farrahann at 10:34 AM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • I agree with the first answer. Move on! :)

    Answer by urkiddingright at 10:49 AM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • It does sound like he is being very wishy-washy. Why does he feel it is ok to say to you "I don't want anything serious" but then get jelous if you hug another man? If he does not like it then maybe he better 'get serious' or get out! Seriously I think you should tell him it is over and that you can find someone better than him-- someone who WILL want a serious relationship.
    good luck!

    Answer by MizLee at 11:02 AM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • Sounds to me like he doesn't want to commit at all, but he wants to keep you on the line.

    Answer by TeriMelisa at 11:45 AM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • Don't always assume that he is playing you as a fiddle. There is nothing wrong w/ men being cautious. They have feelings too. He could have been burned in the past, you never know %100. Anyway, he talks about you. He likes you obviously. The more you sleep with him though, the more hurt you are going to be if he ends things. There is no reason to not keep dating him. You can put your feet in the water & see how it feels. If your gut tells you something is not right, go with that flow. But, if your gut tells you that it might be right, there is nothing wrong w/ giving it a chance. I do not believe all guys are slime balls, i would give him the benefit of the doubt unless he gives you any reason to think you can't trust him. My guy told me "we could never be together" but i hung in there, stayed friends with him. Here we are, engaged & completely in love 3 years just never know what could happen.


    Answer by samurai_chica at 11:56 AM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • Also, if he gets jealous when you hug other guys, maybe you shouldn't do that. My fiance broke it off w/ a woman once because he said she was too flirtatious w/ other men. Some men cannot handle that, they want to be the one you are falling over.


    Answer by samurai_chica at 11:58 AM on Jun. 29, 2009

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