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What would you say?

I was told I was not as good of a mother as a single mother would be, because i got married and THEN had children instead of raising my child on my own. This woman claimed she was a better mother because she raised her child for four years all by herself. So I'm a horrible mother because i decided to be responsible enough to wait till i had a secure environment with a male influence before having a child? I know there are single mothers on here, i was wondering what you think. Are single mothers better then mothers with support from others?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:34 PM on Jun. 29, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Why wouldn't you ignore ignorance like this? I have been both single parent and co-parent. I can tell you now, it has NOTHING to do with marital status and EVERYTHING to do with the choices you make daily.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 3:50 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • Ignore her. If she wants to think of it this way, then let her. Maybe it helps boost her confidence. Good moms can be single moms or moms with help. What makes a good mom?- Providing for her child and making sure the child gets an education and learns how to function independently. We give them roots, and we give them wings.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 1:38 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • I think you would be a better, happier person if you didn't think about such things.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:38 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • HA! She sounds jealous!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:41 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • I am a single mother, and I do not think I am better or worse than any other mother for it. The only problem I have with your statement is that you talk about being responsible enough to wait until you were married, etc. Well, I was married when I had my children, and my husband decided to cheat, lie and want out of our marriage. So, what I'm trying to say, is that perhaps she said what she said to be hurtful, if you made that "responsible enough" statement to her. I would find that statement offensive. But other than that, she was wrong. Being a single or a married mother does not make you a better or worse mother.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 1:43 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • I think you need to get your panties the twist. She obviously has some hangups, why do you have to give her insecurities credence? She has it hard being a single mom, just be glad that you have a gh and some support, she doesn't.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:46 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • That is the most ludicrous thing I have ever heard in my life! She is trying to fool herself in that thought.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:47 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • I don't think this even deserves any comment. I guess you could say that she is entitled to her opinion. What was she really saying? Was it that she could do the whole thing by herself? It takes two people to have a baby. I don't think it was ever the design for a man to just donate his sperm and then let a mother raise the child. Not having a father is a big loss in a child's life. In that way she didn't provide that stable relationship for her child. It is not a superior way to raise kids. grannywilson
    grannywilson

    Answer by grannywilson at 1:48 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • Ignore her. I am a single mom and I would never judge what type of mom someone would be based on their marital status. I know single moms that are good and bad and I know married moms that are good and bad. Marital status does not guarantee the type of mom someone will be.

    to grannywilson: I have raised my son ON MY OWN for 13 years and he is intelligent, independent and respectful...all without his father's input. My son is not at a loss for not having a father in his life, he could care less about his father who chose to not have anything to do with my son. A child does not need both parents to have a stable, good life. Way to judge others.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 2:12 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • Did she really say "better"? I can understand if she said she had to try harder to be a good mother...or that raising a child alone is harder.....or that it was a bigger challenge....or even the fact that she was willing to do it alone showed that she had a high level (though not necessarily higher level) of commmitment....But deciding who is the "better mother" or "best mother" is far to subjective anyway. Maybe she meant it was harder to be a good mother.... Being a good mother doesn't have much to do with marital status, really. But if you are single you are facing it alone...and you are forced to make other decisions accordingly, and sacrifice your own needs probably more often than a mother who is married to the father of her children will be called upon to do.... If you are a good single mother, you will put your kids' needs before your own as any good mother will....and you don't have the support of a husband.
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 7:58 AM on Jun. 30, 2009