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How to get over my jealousy

I'm with such a great guy. But i cannot stop obsessing about his ex's. I understand that i have insecurity issues, my daddy never loved i guess that kind of gave me "daddy issues" leaving me feeling like less of the great person i really am. So, i'm wondering how do i fix this? Insecurities are very unattractive. The strange thing, is that the jealousy & obsession about his ex's is new. I have never felt this way w/ any other man. Maybe i have trust issues? When we were dating, i knew of woman he had some un finished business with. When she came back from Europe, she stayed at his house for 2 days &, yep..they had sex. MY FAULT....i allowed myself to date him KNOWING WELL that he still needed to figure out his place w/ her. thankfully, he never spoke to her again & said, he now knows she not "the one". Anyhoo, i still obsess about her & his other exes. How do i help this jealousy? How do i make it stop?

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:41 PM on Jun. 29, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • You need to go get yourself some counseling. They are his exes for a reason.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:43 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • I do not consider the "thing" he had w/ that woman cheating. He told me ALL about her, & i took my chances & dated him anyway. But it still hurt like hell when he slept with her. Actually, i told him i was done, that i didn't realize how badly it would hurt. He straight up called her, told her that he was in love w/ someone else & never spoke to her again. So, it worked out for the better anyway.......but i am still digustingly obsessed w/ his ex's. I feel like they were sexier than me, & better in bed. How can i help myself? How can i begin to be more secure in myself?

    OP HERE!


    Answer by Anonymous at 3:44 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • Jealousy is often a sign of low self esteem, or like you said, trust and insecurity issues. I know how you feel. Haha I am a jealous person too. Maybe talking to counselor might help? I did for awhile in high school because I couldn't stop comparing myself to other girls and I would get really down on myself. It seemed to help a lot to just have someone that would listen.

    Answer by Ash9724 at 3:45 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • i don't have time, or money for counceling......someone said to do nice things for people. She said that builds self esteem somehow......

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:46 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • each time you do this you discredit him and basically tell him he's stupid for loving you. Do you really want to hurt him like that? He's gone through the women of his past and after all is said and done he chooses you over them. That says a lot about the man. Figure out a way to believe in yourself and that you are worthy of receiving love. Saying it each day in a mirror might help. His decision that you rock over all others should be evidence of something you can believe in until you can believe in yourself. Take baby steps to find your confidence but work on it each day bc your insecurities may just push him away and you might lose the best thing you've ever had.

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:47 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • p.s. if it's just a self esteem issue see if your library has The Power of Self Esteem. Personally when mine runs low I buy it in bulk on Ebay (ok that's a joke. Many of us have low self esteem but we can gain some from seeing the good within ourselves)

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:50 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • Getting self esteem [esp. about your body] does not happen overnight. There is no quick fix to this. You need counseling. Helping others certainly makes you feel better, but not about your body. It certainly won't make you stop comparing yourself to ex-gfs. My only suggestion is write down a list of what you think is special or sexy about you. Like, "I have pretty eyes," "I have a great smile," I have fantastic friends," "I am loyal." Ask each friend to give you one positive word that describes you and post that list in your bathroom or bedroom where you can read it every day. And everyday tell yourself you are special and deserve to be loved. Second. How many ex-gfs or other women will he have sex with to determine they aren't "the one?"

    Answer by CoolGirlChris at 3:55 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • Thanks for the advice ladies, thanks for understanding. I certainly do appreciate it, & i appreciate not getting, i always expect one of those when i ask a question. Writing things down...that sounds like a good idea. I will also check out that book, I'm just at a place where i need to start working on this. I'm sick of having self esteem issues. I want to fix this about myself.


    Answer by Anonymous at 4:01 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • Maybe a self help book could help?

    Answer by bebita at 4:02 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • I was a jelouse person to, I compared my self to every girl I saw and new I didn't measure up to them and then I would get depressed and mad at my husband even if he acidently looked at another girl, good man he is he always told me that I was beautiful and I was the only one he loved or else he would not be here, no matter what he said I still got out of control and I just went crazy in my head with anger and rage cuz I felt ugly and jelouse, I tried talking to people I tried putting on more makeup nothing worked, finally I turned to God I told him you know how jelouse I am it is hurting me I can't go on living happy this way when I'm jelouse over every women I see, I told him you put me on this earth I'm your child so please help me with this problem I have, I prayed to him a few time told him how I felt and asked for his help and I do have to say he answerd my prayer Thank you Jesus cuz that was a big issue for me Good luck

    Answer by looovemybabies at 4:09 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

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