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Single friends who do nothing?

So I have a close friend who is single, childless, still in college pursuing yet another degree at nearly 30 years old and hasn't had a full-time job (or pretty much any job) in quite some time. She still gets mostly supported by her folks. The thing is, she gloats about her life as though it is so much better and 'freer' than mine (I work, am married, have a mortgage, and a baby boy). It is really annoying, esp. since she can barely support herself and relies on other people to take care of her. She considers herself very 'bohemian' and tends to ridicule my steady and'normal' life. It is really obnoxious. On top of that, her 'stress' seems to eclipse mine. SHe gets really defensive when anyone brings up the fact that she shouldn't have 'stress' becuase she's basically still a kid. I find her obnoxious on many levels but remain her friend b/c of time, I guess. Should I just ignore her?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 5:15 PM on Jun. 29, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • She sounds insecure. People who are truly self assured and love their lives don't need to tare down others. I'd just ignore it and distance myself from her. You don't need frenemies like that. Maybe when she grows up she'll be different, but for now just keep your distance and try not to take anthing she has to say too seriously.

    Answer by beckcorc at 5:19 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • Evaluate the relationship. Do you enjoy being with her? Talking with her? or are you stressed around her. Do you care whether letting the friendship drift over the horizon will hurt her? Would it hurt her? If so, would this dislike of hurting her be more important that the aggravation you have being friends with her. It sounds to me as though the friendship is already over, that you don't like or enjoy her very much. What do you think?

    Answer by Bmat at 5:20 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • feel sorry for her. I bet she envies you and what you have. She's just pretending that her life is great. If it were really great she would not have to boast about it. She wants what you have. Take pride in that. The more she ridicules, the more she desperately wants what you have.

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:27 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • Didn't your mom ever tell you that when someone makes fun of you, it's cuz they're jealous? ;) I agree with the moms above. She is lost. She has no real goal for her future and sadly may not know what she wants. If she were truly happy with her life, she'd be happy for you. The more she comments, the more she envies you. While I know how irritating this is, try to realize when she makes a comment, she secretly wishes she were more like you. Just smirk and humor her. ;)

    Answer by CoolGirlChris at 5:35 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • I would agree there is a fair amount of envy going on. People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. You don't usually know up front which they are. Perhaps there was a time you both needed one another as friends. You have moved on and she hasn't. That's okay. Nothing has to be said, or even done. Gentle distancing will gradually give way to leaving room for new friends.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 5:35 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • Sounds a little like one of my friends. She dropped out of college, got married to some guy she met online (knew him for literally a week), and now they are mooching off of her poor mother who is the nicest woman I know. They both refuse to work, and I constantly get crap from her about the fact that I have a job and actually pay my own way through life. It was annoying. I no longer talk to her due to the fact that it just gets bloody old. That's my best advice. And that's why they say people drift apart. Let her find new friends with the same issues and let them tear each other down!

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:31 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

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