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How do you think I should handle this situation?

Well, as many of you probably know, we attend a large Assembly of God church. We've loved being there,and our son has done so well in the youth group. With one exception. The mom of his best friend at church. She runs the church nursery,and so it's hard to go to the pastor about her. She has decided the boys can't hang out together,her son is no longer allowed to come spend the night, or even be over here for a little while. She claims,and this is what she told me to my face, that my son is a "bad influence" on her son! She says that when he goes home, he has my son's attitude,doesn't want to help around the house (my son does chores everyday), is rude,and belligerent, (ok,they are 15, that is what a 15 year old is, rude and belligerent!). And, she says that because of that she is no longer allowing them to be friends. I feel she has been very judgemental towards both my son,and my husband and mine parenting skills. More below


Asked by stvmen88 at 7:06 PM on Jun. 29, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

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Answers (27)
  • The Bait of Satan ... is Offense... don't bite it or it will take you hook line and sinker. I wouldn't leave a church for that reason. She is the one that has the issue not you. If you leave you have just let her walk all over you. I encourage you to speak blessing and honor. Extend the hand of Grace and respect her wishes. Sit down with your son and explain to him that people make choices and that his friend's mother has made one that affects his relationship with his friend. Encourage him to pray for his friend and to bless him and the mother as well. There is power in the spoken word.

    Lastly ... what is it these days with relationships being torn apart??? Just thinking outloud :-)

    Answer by Shaneagle777 at 8:56 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • It's to the point, we are looking at different churches, just to get away from the way she is now treating us. Her son works at the mall, when he got off the other day, he came by here, we only live 2 blocks from it,and called to tell her,and she went ballistic. Do you think she is being judgemental, or just protective. My son has never been in any kind of trouble with the law,I always know where he is, he helps when we ask him to,and he's not a bad kid,at all. Or,am I overreacting,and just should go on? I'd appreciate some input from you all. Thanks.

    Answer by stvmen88 at 7:08 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • Jesus didn't always hang out with the greatest of people....

    I think she is being very rude. Her poor son is going to rebel like crazy if she doesn't stop trying to control his entire life. He should be able to choose his own friends (within reason of course).

    Answer by ReneeK3 at 7:15 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • Is she too hard on her son? This could be why he is coming home the way he does because he sees how things are at your house and wishes his mom would slack off some. I dont think you are overreacting, it is hard when someone judges you for any reason. Maybe with time she will rethink things or this will blow over. I dont think you should change churches IF you are happy there just because of her. You can kill her with kindness.

    Answer by midnightmoma at 7:16 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • I do think she is being unreasonable and it seems that she is having some issues with her son and is using his relationship with your son as a kind of scapegoat. I can remember my own teenage years when my mom used to blame my best friend for just about everything that she didn't want to delve too deeply into (like the fact that she and I did not get along and I was going through some serious depression. It was so much easier to blame my best friend's 'bad influence' than to deal with the actual issues!)
    Personally I would try to view this as HER issue- not yours. She is the one behaving badly- not you or your son. I would leave the friendship in the kids' hands- either they will remain friends or they won't. Either her son will work it out with his mom or he won't. I would be friendly and polite to both mom and son and let the kids work it out. I wouldn't let her chase you out of a church you like. JMO!

    Answer by Freela at 7:35 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • She is being VERY controlling of her son...and it's gonna backfire on her.

    Have you discussed it with your pastor? You need to. A third party needs to step in.

    Answer by gdiamante at 7:36 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • I think she is using your son as an excuse for her son misbehaving. She may of saw something your son did and didn't like it, her son may of done it too, so she might be blaming you for it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:38 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • nswered at 6:36 PM on Jun. 29, 2009 by:

    * gdiamante

    She is being VERY controlling of her son...and it's gonna backfire on her.

    Have you discussed it with your pastor? You need to. A third party needs to step in.

    See, my problem is, they have been at the church many more years than us,and she is in charge of the nursery,and she and the pastor and his wife are very good friends,and I just don't think going to him would make a difference.

    Answer by stvmen88 at 7:42 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • I would pray on it, give the problem to God and leave it be.
    Truly...the problem is hers,but it obviously hurts you and your family just the same. I wouldn't leave a church because of one person...because you are there for God.Good Luck, I wish you the best.

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 7:49 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • I agree with anon 7:38. She sounds like my sister in law. Always blaming someone else for her daughter's behavior issues. At 15, kids start to rebel if they haven't already. I think her son is starting to do that, and the mom would rather place blame elsewhere than face up to the fact that she can't handle the situation at home herself.
    Ignore her and let God handle it. Good Luck

    Answer by lighthousemom3 at 7:54 PM on Jun. 29, 2009