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What would you do?

My ex and I are trying to work things out. The reasons we broke up are long but to sum it up, when we first started dating i was still trying to deal with issues from an abusive relationship, and he was dealing with depression. Now things are better for both of us. Well there is my Question, he doesn't want to get married, and i do and when we end up moving in together he wont come here he wants me to move there. I dont want to move there unless we are married for my own reasons. I dont know how to explain this to him. I can move there but I would have to make alot of sacrifices. (school, family etc.) I am willing to make these sacrifices, as long as we are married or are about to get married. I am wary of making them when we are only going to be living together, only because i have lived threw how fast a guy can leave you.

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:06 PM on Jun. 29, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • If you have your independence now, keep it. I say stand your ground, but that's just my opinion.

    Answer by rhope4 at 9:08 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • I agree with rhope4, keep your independence. If you decide to move in with him, continue having your own place just in case.

    Answer by Bmat at 9:10 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • I think you are smart in thinking of you. If a man loves you he loves regardless of a piece of paper and the rights that come with it. If he wants to dump you he will with or without the papers. So the question is to trust or not to trust? You could become pregnant out of wed and out of luck. If you are good enough for him to live with why shouldn't you be good enough for him to marry you?

    So, what is his idea of this "moving together arrangement" you making all the commitments and compromises? It doesn't sound like a fair deal to me. My advice, finish college and see where you are by then, he isn't the only guy in the world you know? Teach him how to treat you very early on because once in his turf, it doesn't get any better.

    Answer by bebita at 9:13 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • If he doesn't want to get married I would not move in. I would definitely wait for that.

    Answer by Patty414 at 9:15 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • Have you seen the movie, or read the book, "Hes Just Not That Into You"? It really is true! If a guy really loves you, he'll marry you! I 100% believe in this... although I also believe it is the couple's decision to get married, some couples choose not to get married, but if he loves you, he'll give you the option! And also, (I know I don't know the whole story) weren't there reasons you broke up before? You say those reasons have changed, but have they really? Again I don't know the whole story, but I would say that if he loves you, he will be willing to make sacrifices for you also. Good Luck! I hope things work out for the two of you!!!

    Answer by nico409ant at 9:15 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • Stick to what you want..Just tell him "I am not moving there tell we are married". Do not put yourself in a situation like that.


    Answer by louise2 at 9:22 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • The reasons have changed. To explain a bit better I will try to tell you about it :). We broke up the first time because I wasn't ready for another relationship. I was 17 and had just gotten out of the abusive relationship i was in for 3 years 6 months before we started dating. I though 6 months was enough but it wasn't. I had a child with the abusive man and went for custody because he was on the BC and i was afraid that he would just take him one day and run. Well our court day was set for a year away, he never tried threw out that whole year to see our DS. I thought i was in the clear the court date came up and Bio-dad wanted visitation rights. Well i gave them to him because i believed he had changed and wanted DS to know his dad. Well that didnt go well with Ex bf who was my bf at the time. We always argued about it, because he felt that he should have been given a say. I felt differently, and told him that DS was going

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:29 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • see his bio-dad. Well we fought so much we broke up. We still talked but most of the time we argued. We got back together, thinking everything was okay..he moved in got depressed wouldnt get a job. I kicked him out. Now he understands that he can have a part in DS life and DS can love both him and his dad. I also understand where he was coming from with the whole Visitation thing. He has had a job a kept it for the last 2 years. So that has changed also. I think the bottom line why we broke up is we were both young and weren't ready.
    We also never talked about how we felt now we do. I feel ready but we havnt started dating bc we are taking things slow, and making sure this is what we both really want :

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:35 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • Oh and just so you dont think i am Crazy for giving Bio-dad Visitation. It was supervised for awhile. and He has been good to DS and in his life for 2 years now. He still missses a visit here and there. And we had alot to talk about and work out. but it has been going good..I think because he sees that im not going to take the crap and he isnt on the drugs anymore. DS adores him. I am only slightly Jealous that he behaves better with Dad then with me :P

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:38 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • I'm happy for you that things are better with all the guys in your life. and thank you for clarifying, my opinion now would be to take your own advise that you've already said, just take it slow. Although I do think that if he loves you, he will marry you. good luck again.

    Answer by nico409ant at 1:41 AM on Jun. 30, 2009

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