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Did you block it all away after placing a child for adoption

This is still all so fresh to me Its only been days since I signed the papers to place My newborn child I find my self blocking it all away ignoring the fact that it has happend Anyone else experiance this How did you deal with it

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:25 PM on Jun. 29, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (13)
  • I was forced at 15 to give up a child for adoption. Actually, I had two choices give her up or be disowned by my entire family. Back then there wasn't the resources there is now. It was very difficult for me. I did try to block it out for a while. I became severely depressed. I left home 2 weeks before my 17th birthday and have not spoken to them in over 20 years. In the end I lost my child and my family. I found a free counseling clinic in my new town. I was encouraged to get a note book and just journal. Every day. Write my feelings. My anger,love,anguish...all of it. Eventually I wrote a letter to my child. I will never be able to mail it. The chances of ever seeing her are probably a million to one but I hold hope that now she's an adult maybe she'll look for me. Sometimes I'm glad she hasn't because I hope that means she is so content. I later married and had more kids. They help. When I hugged them I was hugging her too
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:40 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • I'm sorry this is so long. Try not to beat yourself up. You made a decision based on love for the child. What would be best right now. That doesn't make you a bad person. Find someone to talk to if you can. It's a lot to deal with. Plus your body and the hormones and all of it. I would hug you if a could. I have so been there.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:42 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • I didn't, but I have a friend (not the one we adopted from) who relinquished TWO babies (at different times)...she did go on and now has a 10 yr old daughter. But I asked her after we got our son how she felt...because unlike Bryson's birthmom, she NEVER talked about it. So she said, she doesn't remember much and that she blocked it out all of these years. For a while one of the families kept in contact but her mother some how interfered by hiding letters, etc (her mother also has custody of her daughter) I can tell she is hurting. I feel for her. She could remember more than she is saying, but it hurts to talk about.
    babycakes254

    Answer by babycakes254 at 11:09 PM on Jun. 29, 2009

  • I am so sorry you are going through this. it has been 23 yrs. I can remember most things perfectly. But, the signing of the papers, I can't tell you the day, the town, the building..anything.I remember, a pink dress. i remember running down a hall. i remember a crib, throwing up.I can't remember what she looked like that day . Lord i wish i could.I don't remember signing a thing. her dad brought me home and put me in the bathtub.I remember everything about her birth. The papers were signed when she was 5 months. There are copies. I would swear that i was not there. it is so strange.I am so sorry. I hope it gets better.
    stillamom1213

    Answer by stillamom1213 at 2:54 AM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • I'm so very sorry for your pain. I've never walked your shoes but have seen my daughter with her pain and I'm so so sorry.

    Just know that I care and have lifted you up in thoughts today.
    AAAMama

    Answer by AAAMama at 1:03 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • The loss of a child is profound and you do what you have to do to get through it. I'm sorry for your loss.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 1:23 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • I'm so sorry your hurting and for your loss. Not in the beginning, but there were many years where I blocked it all because the emotions were too much to deal with everyday. You aren't alone, many bmoms I know have done the same thing.

    How do you get through it? - Everyone has different ways. I would suggest finding a support group that you can talk to and maybe a good therapist, not an agency appointed one but one who has experience and knowledge of birthmother grief. Adoption loss is an ongoing thing in our lives and as onethentwins says, we all must find our own ways to cope with the grief.

    Again, I am sorry you are going through this.
    bellacocco

    Answer by bellacocco at 2:56 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • Yes, I spent decades trying to not think about my son and in denial......and only faced my grief and loss when he found me over 30 years later. I blocked out much of the time that surrounded his relinquishment because I did not have the strength or knowledge to deal with my situation any other way. I tbelieve that I ignored my feelings as a way to survive. Some moms turn to drugs or alcohol. Others live in denial forever.

    However, I think it is far healthier and better in the long run to grieve, and then find ways to heal and find some peace. Being in touch with other birth moms, therapy and reading about how to heal and recover all can help. Ignoring it works for awhile, but at some point we need to find healthy ways to deal with our loss.

    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 4:26 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • First of all, let me say that I'm so sorry that you're going through this ...Next, let me say that I believe you are a very loving and BRAVE birthmother to have chosen adoption for your baby.
    I also believe that you're suffering from depression--You need someone that you can talk openly and honestly with about what you're feeling. Someone who will not judge you or question your choices...You should also see a doctor and let them know your feelings as well. Depression medication may be an option to get you through the worst of this time...
    You need not feel embarrassed or ashamed...what you're feeling is completely normal and you have to keep in mind that this is all very new for you. It will take time to get through this and begin to look ahead to your future. You are still in the beginning stages of the adoption...you'll probably experience the same stages of grief and mourning as someone that has lost a loved one. First
    lighthousemom3

    Answer by lighthousemom3 at 7:59 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • will be shock/denial, next maybe you'll feel anger towards yourself or others, you may go through a bargaining stage where you think "if only....." thoughts...but finally will come acceptance.
    I know you're hurting right now. And, the way you're trying to block it out is just a defense mechanism. Be patient with yourself. You've done a very loving thing for a family that very much wants to have a baby. You've made one of the hardest decisions of your life. Focus on the fact that you're giving your baby the best chance at a good, stable life. To me, that shows exactly how deeply you love that baby.
    Try to find a support group in your area. Or, go online and do a google search for a support group. I'm sure what you're feeling can be found in so many other birth moms out there. Remember to love yourself...Give yourself time to heal...focus on yourself right now. Don't be afraid to ask for help....You deserve to find
    lighthousemom3

    Answer by lighthousemom3 at 8:03 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

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