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constantly butting heads with my boyfriends 8 yr. old

my boyfriends son was raised entirly by him, no mom and my boyfriend works nights so he never really enforced rules and such. well i come along and move in and things are great at first but then i started realizing that he has absolutly NO self accountability what so ever. he doesnt clean up after himself, he will go weeks without brushing his teeth or showering or changing his clothes, he does nothing to help out, and now he has started lying alllll he time! it drives me crazy! he mostly lies about brushing his teeth? he even goes through the process of wetting his toothbrush and using mouth wash just to make me think he brushed them. i started making him do dishes to learn responsiblity and he refuses to do them right no matter how many times we show him, and i KNOW its on purpose because there will be HUGE chunks of food on the dishes he puts in and he says he scrubbed it? any advice or ideas? im pulling my hair out.

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Asked by maranda1389 at 1:29 AM on Jun. 30, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 1 (1 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • I'm with you girl, I went through the same thing with my hubby's son and it is so hard to live in that kind of situation, it got really bad he lied about everything he stole in school and cheated on a test at school and he was just bad! Let's just say he no longer lives with us and my life is so much happier and stress free.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:39 AM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • Sounds like your boyfriend's son has not ever learned about responsibility. I think it's good that you are trying to teach him but you MUST have your boyfriend's support. Try a contingency plan where he can only gain access to the things that he likes if he (for instance) brushes his teeth. If he does not properly brush his teeth or wash the dishes, he doesn't play with his playstation, or gameboy or whatever. When he doesn't have access to these things that he likes, he'll learn. Prepare for an initial pushback from him but if you and your boyfriend are on the same page and firm, he has no choice but to eventually get on board. Good Luck!

    Answer by faithjoylove at 1:43 AM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • His mother has not been in his life. Are you the first mother figure that he has had? Or have there been others that he has pushed away? Do you truly love this man? Are there plans to get married? It's a package deal. You and dad need to sit down and discuss discipline actions/techniques. What is ok for you to administer.

    The boy is going to do his best to push you away. He needs to know that you are not leaving, no matter what. He needs you to love him. He needs to hear it & feel it. No matter how mad he makes you, hug him & tell him you are not going anywhere. It takes a lot of time & energy. It's exhausting. But it is worth it. Took me 4 years with my stepson. Don't give in. Dig your heels in & find the humor in it.

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 10:09 AM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • Your boyfriend is the parent and he is going to have to put his foot down. He is going to have to let his son know he is to listen to you and respect you. It is not going to be easy since the child is 8 and all of this is foreign to him. It will take time and patients to instill responsiblity and integrity in him most children learn this from a young age so by 8 it is not an issue as much. Good luck to you. I would make sure you never let him see how frustrated he makes you. He is trying to test you. His mom was never there he figures you won't be around long either.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:55 AM on Jun. 30, 2009

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