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Theres no passion in my marriage. Its simple and boring. And I've only been married a year..

I've only been married a year. There is no passion in my marriage and its so boring. I have talked to my husband many times on how its boring, how we hardly ever do anything and he tells me all the time he's going to fix it. Well he's not making an effort. Last night I was thinking about an ex and realized there was passion in our relationship.. Well theres no passion in our marriage. My husband loves me more than life itself. I know that. But I hurt all the time. I cry myself to sleep probably 4 times a week. I feel like I've been getting depressed. I need help. I don't know what to do anymore. He's a great man. Truly is and a wonderful father. I'm just not happy. Like I said I have talked to him many times about our marriage and me not being happy but nothing changes. I feel like I'm too young to be anything but happy. Please give me advice.


Asked by Anonymous at 10:16 AM on Jun. 30, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • I've been there.. and i come bearing advice! somtimes u just have to TAKE CONTROL!! girl the reason u feel hes not makeing an effort is because.. HE NOT! not because he dosnt care or love u but because he's a MAN! somtimes they dont know what to do in sensitive situations like this. so.. you do it girl! i suggest you do some reading on karma sutra! and stop by victoria secret with sum friends. pick up somthing SEXY, not slutty SEXY theres a difference! lol :) u can do what i did! one day while my husband was at work i made my own special Lingerie ( i design clothes for a side hobby) so i set up candles from the front door to our bed room, next to them were Pink cards with directions for what to do. long story short by the time he got to the bedroome he was naked with body oil and wine in hand!! (Very nice night). i felt liberated as hell that night! and it help him undestand what i needed from him. LOVE,UNDERSTANDING, PASSION!

    Answer by Mrs.BeAl at 7:55 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • If you feel like you've tried everything yourself, maybe it's time you guys seek a counselor. Maybe theres an underlying issue? Have YOU tried to bring back the passion and the romance? Do you guys go out on dates?
    Maybe try finding a babysitter for a night and go out on a date and bring some of that old romance back.
    If you're not happy in your marriage, you need to seek the help you need to either become happy in your marriage, or find the strength to move on so you can be happy.

    Answer by carliemarie1015 at 10:24 AM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • I used to have the same problem until i found out he is passive aggressive. He does the opposite of everything i wanted. It took me time to find that out. How did i cope with it? First, I tried to enjoy myself going out and when he sees that I am enjoying my life alone he started to change. You have to love your husband but you have to love yourself more.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:25 AM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • Carliemarie- Its hard for me to try because anything I suggest usually costs money and he says no because he doesn't like spending money. (Even though we have the extra money to enjoy here and there) Its frustrating. It really is.

    Anon- Last night I decided I'm going to start doing things for myself and going out and have fun without him. I have my friends and I'll just have to start spending more time with them I suppose.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:30 AM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • That's good news you have friends, It took me time to enjoy myself bec we moved around so much that I never really have close friends. When I was enjoying myself and my friend keep on calling me things are starting to improve for me. I can assure you when he knows you are not to focus on him he will wonder and start suggesting things that you both can do.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:35 AM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • The first 5 years of marriage are the hardest and this is common. You both are still learning how to navigate marriage and you will have problems like this from time to time. I here you say he won't fix it but you did not say what you were doing other than talk to fix it. Nagging never works so fix it yourself.


    Answer by Anonymous at 10:40 AM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • I said I have tried. I make suggestions but its always a no because he doesn't want to spend the money to go to the movies, or go out on a date to dinner (which is something I really love doing) I do try. He's always got other things to do too. Like work on cars, or cut firewood, or something. I don't know. But I do try.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:47 AM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • It sounds to me like you are depending on him to make you happy. You'll never be happy if you sit around and wait for other to make you happy. You have to find a way to be happy with yourself first. AS far as passion, its common for that to go away for a while in marriage. Life gets in the way, especially when you have kids and passion gets pushed aside. Instead of waiting on your husband to make the effort, why dont you?

    Answer by abbynzachsmommy at 10:47 AM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • I feel your pain i hit my 1 year the other day and you are describing my marriage and EVERYTHING about it. I think back now and realized we never had passion. But we never argue or fight so guess it could be worse

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:52 AM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • anon 1052 that is us exactly. we never fight, harldy argue and our relationship never had marriage and i just never realized it until now.

    and let me just say to other once again- I have/do try.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:59 AM on Jun. 30, 2009