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The truth about death?????

My four year old has always been very afraid of dying,more since our hamster died a year ago. Today her older sister said something about growing up and my four year old flipped out she is in tears afraid of dying ever she wanted me to pinky promise(because you can't break a pinky promise) that everyone in our whole family will "never ever ever die forever and ever". I would like this issue dealt with now before it is any more major than it is now. I just don't know how to go about it I've tried the everyone grows up and gets older and so on and she then told me she wasn't going to grow up or get any older and neither could anyone else. It might have a lot to do w/no dad around but he didn't die he's just not around. She doesn't not ever want to see anyone again. I just don't know what to do she is so upset and scared but I know it will only get worse if I leave it be. Help someone anyone please!!!!!!!


Asked by madconmaksmum at 11:43 AM on Jun. 30, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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Answers (5)
  • Kids at this age are starting to question the whole death thing. Each one has to learn how to process it so that it fits into their understanding of how the world works. I think one of the best ways is to help her talk through her fears, let her ask all her questions and be honest with your answers. Just keep talking - it may be that she needs more time to process this, especially if she's sensitive and emotional - but processing it is very important. So whether you read fairy tales (the originals, not the Disney versions) and show that death, while scary, is not BAD, or just keep talking about it and help her understand her own fear so she can overcome it, you just need to let her process it at her own pace. You might talk to a librarian to see if they can suggest any books to read to your daughter that touches upon this. If you practice a faith, then hopefully you can pass on some wisdome from that.

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 12:12 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • I think you should consider having your child evaluated by a professional. There is a very real, sometimes dibilitating disorder that causes panic attacks and anxiety to the point that you alter you lifestyle. She obviously isn't that severe but if she does in fact have a panic/anxitey problem the sooner you deal with it the better off she'll be.


    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 11:48 AM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • grrr..don't know why that link didn't come up right here it is:



    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 11:49 AM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • I think you need to help her now too and take everyones advice. I am STILL scared of dying or anyone in my family dying like my close family im so scared now i just keep thinking of how when i get older i dont want that time where my parents gte old to come or my borthers and issters so please help her anyway you can because getting at this age and still being scared sucks.

    Answer by chukuku at 12:44 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • Okay so I took a little bit of everything and sat down and had a long chat w/Kenzie and yes she cried but it got less and less as she asked more questions and I answered them,she now has an understanding,and if the rain ever lets up here I plan on taking her to my grandmothers grave(she was really glad people alive still had something to hang on to so to speak). Thank you all for your help I really needed it and am so glad this place is here.

    Answer by madconmaksmum at 1:19 PM on Jul. 2, 2009