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How can i get my boys to stop telling each other they are stupid?!

I cant stand the disrespect. My older boy is 4 1/2 yrs and my younger is 3 1/2 yrs. I know my older one started it (not that it matters who started it) but now they both go at it all the time. And i dont know how to stop them. I've done time out. I've tried talking to them about how rude it is. I've pointed out that stupid is not something that i call other people. I dont know what to do. But it HAS to stop. That kind of disprespect will not be tolerated in our house.


Asked by outstandingLove at 12:57 PM on Jun. 30, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 20 (9,136 Credits)
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Answers (6)
  • Do they get allowance? Make them pay , If not I'd start giving them a couple of dollars a week and then charge them a quarter everytime they say it. When their money is gone they might just get it. Kids have a short attention span so they don't think, oh I am not supposed to say that when in the heat of the battle. If they lose something tangible maybe they will realize it's something they have to think about.

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 1:03 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • idk.... I've been dealing with this for years!! Mine are 12, 10 and 9 and they always call each other stupid and I have never once just let it go. They have been put in time out, lectured. lately I've been making them say 2 nice things about the person they said something nasty about. I've also made them hold hands when they are mean to each other. The latter 2 seem to work the best, but they still do it. Good luck!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:02 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • "Stupid" is considered a bad word in our house...along the lines of a curse words. Just don't allow it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:37 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • First, I would ask yourself why it HAS to stop, because it's unlikely you will ever get it to stop, especially once they're in the larger world with other boys. Boys/men communicate differently than girls/women and saying things we consider "disrespectful" is not how they interpret the same behavior. How does your SO/DH feel about this? I would suggest you talk to him about how men "disrespect" each other verbally - it's kind of like verbal competition, but to them, it's not disrespectful. In the meantime, I suggest you ignore the behavior and read the works of Michael Gurian - he offers great insight into the differences between how boys function vs girls, and it might give you a better understanding behind the WHY of their behavior so that you can learn how to offer them alternatives that make sense to them.

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 1:38 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • I have ignored the behavior and it has made it worse.
    JPsMommy i am very well aware of the difference between females and males. I major in early childhood education. but stupid is a word that IS disrespectufl to me in our house. They are 4 and 3 they dont KNOW what is disrespectful or not. That is what parents are for. to teach them. And unless YOU want to come here and try to explain that as longs as they are okay with it then it's alright as long as they dont say it to others then go ahead and try.
    My DH is in the military and has is very strong family man. He will not tolerate this any more then i will. In fact, if he were here i'm sure that it would've already stopped.

    Answer by outstandingLove at 1:56 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • Then I suggest you give them alternative words, but you can't MAKE them stop saying something without forcing their mouths closed. Be consistent and give them an appropriate alternative. What else can you do, honestly?

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 2:00 PM on Jun. 30, 2009