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How do i stay positive and make this work????

i am in a relationship with someone that has always had more than one woman just living life. never settling down bfore, he decided to settledown with me he said i was the one. one girl turnd up pregnant when he went to break it off(i know that when a man first meets a woman he doesnt drop all his chicks right away)anyways he came to me and told me she was pregnant but stated that he had fell in love with me and did not love her, they used a condom it broke. he askd her to get an abortion (june of 2008,he was not happy about taking a life)but wanted a life with me, we have since moved on living together as a family he has asked me to marry him. i love him but i always bring up that he betray me by getting that girl pregnant, but he says that we had just met in november 2007 it had only been 5 months he didnt know where we were headed or that we were serious yet. how do i move on and not bring it up all the time?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:07 PM on Jun. 30, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • Yikes. I know the feeling. I was in a similar situation. Gaining trust back is REALLY tough, but it's definitely possible. And I agree, always being on alert and paranoid he's doing something every time he disappears is NOT a good thing. You'll only torture yourself. I would be honest with him and explain that you have a trust issue right now and that you want to work on it. Tell him that for at least a little while you're going to be suspicious about his activities and ask for his understanding. I think if you're both willing to work on it, it will happen. There are some communities and churches that offer free "relationship classes." See if you have any thing like that and maybe you two can attend a few. As for staying positive, everyday, tell yourself you're going to remain positive. Self affirmations can work. ;)
    CoolGirlChris

    Answer by CoolGirlChris at 2:31 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • It takes time honey. Is he willing to show you that he's honest? Is he willing to let you talk through your pain? Are you willing to treat him fairly? After all, he is showing you he cares about you by choosing you to be the woman of his life. But it's not an honor if he won't listen to you and respect that you are still hurt - and possibly will be for a long time - about what happened.

    I've learned that if a couple can stay together past infidelity, the relationship can be stronger and more loyal than possible before.
    preggoandfat

    Answer by preggoandfat at 2:15 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • You said that when a man meets a women that he does not break it off with his chicks right away..

    I have to disagree with that first....Not all men act the way your BF has....

    Personally I would not trust your BF...he got a girl pregnant....the condom broke...a hunn...

    How do you move on well...IMO you stop bringing it up.....what until he screws up again...
    Maybe he will maybe he won't...

    Time will only tell...
    I would not plan on getting married anytime soon, until you see his full colors..


    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 2:19 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • yes. we sat down this weekend and discussed it again, i told him i needed answers and i was still very hurt. he gave me a more deeper sincere apology than before and said he never realized how much that hurt me. He states he is willing to do whatever to make it work he changed his numbers and all. But i think im crazy.. i check phone logs and text messages like my life consist of making sure hes not cheating. i dont want to be that way but cant help it, he says it will stop in due time after i dont find anything and that what im doing is natural considering,.. i have serious trust issues even before i met him so i just think its worse now
    glamerous3059

    Answer by glamerous3059 at 2:20 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • Sorry , Youare kidding yourself here. I'd be really careful about this one.
    itsmesteph11

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 3:07 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • it was before he committed to you. Let it go.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:16 PM on Jun. 30, 2009