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Shld step-son move back with his mother?(Military)

Long story but..stepson's mother and my husband is in the military. He usually stays with her in Texas. He visits us twice a year for a couple weeks. Well his mom is deployed till around January 2010..so we have him here with us. I was told that he is gonna be living with us for good so that my husband can help "raise him into a man"(He is 15 yrs old) Well my husband is getting deployed maybe around April next yr. My question is ..IF MY DH GETS DEPLOYED AND MY STEPSONS MOTHER IS BACK FROM HER DEPLOYMENT...SHOULD HE GO BACK TO LIVE WITH HIS MOTHER. LET ME ADD THAT I HAVE A 13 WEEK OLD BABY AND A SOON TO BE 3 YR OLD AND WORKING ON FINISHING MY NURSING DEGREE. Just want to hear what you think?!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:08 PM on Jun. 30, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Lol, well it sounds like he'd be another responsibility on top of your other responsibilities and that you might even be relieved if it works for him to go to his mom's. What household do you think would give him a better, safer upbringing at the moment? Where does he want to be? A thing to keep in mind, though you asking this question I'm sure you've thought of it, the more moving a child goes through the more unstable he/she feels.
    preggoandfat

    Answer by preggoandfat at 2:12 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • I think he should go back to his bio mom...it sounds like you dont want him...(not to be rude or offend you..cause I wouldnt raise a step child imo) ...and since dad isnt physically there to teach him to "be a man"...it may be better if he goes to his moms..And i do agree with pp (pregoand fat) that you should consider the questions she brought up
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:39 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • Should he? I don't know. It depends on how comfortable he is with you and what he wants to do (at 15, he's plenty old enough to have an opinion) and what the mom wants him to do.

    If it were MY stepchild, he would be welcome to stay with us if he wanted to. Just beause his father is gone doesn't make him less a part of our family.

    It almost sounds like you don't want him, though... just a feeling I got...
    Cavalrybaby02

    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 2:41 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • First of all, you're asking about something that "may" take place for another 10 months. You're asking a lot of "ifs" in there. A lot can happen in 10 months. Second, I don't think we can answer if he should or not. That's up to you, your husband, the mom and the son. You might find him to a big help to you when your husband is deployed. He's 15, he doesn't need a lot of supervision. Me personally, I'd like my son living with me, but he may have a better relationship with you than his bio mom. I'm afraid you may have to wait this one out and see what happens next spring.
    CoolGirlChris

    Answer by CoolGirlChris at 2:46 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • Its not that I dont want him here with me, its just he had always lived with his mom and with 2 little ones under 3 yrs old and trying to finish Nursing school and keeping the house up...I am exhausted!!! I am thinking about the Great responsibility it will be on my shoulders to care for him on my own. If he does poorly in school, hangs out with the wrong people, misbehaves...I have to deal with all of that on my own and I already have my hands full with my 2 little ones. He has only stayed with us a couple times for only a couple weeks at a time. So I think we both dont feel too comfortable. I think my DH thinks he is gonna stay with me, but I think my stepson thinks he will go home to him mom when her deployment is finished. Yea, communication sucks in our family!
    Juju99

    Answer by Juju99 at 2:54 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • If you don't have any problems then I would keep him. If there are major problems I might think differently. I'd talk to him and see what he wants to do. He is old enough to decide. His parents should let him.
    itsmesteph11

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 3:06 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • What do YOU want? Have you discussed it with the boy to see what HE wants? If he doesn't want to be with you then there will be unnecessary stress for both of you and he should go home. If you two get along he could be helpful. However, if dad isn't there you can't help make a man out of him! lol Actually, there might be to some that there are some improprieties there. Teenage hormonal boy, young hot step mom. See the problem? I'd suggest that it's best he go home now that I think of it!!!! Don't ask for trouble. I'd hate for him to get angry with you or life or whatever kids get angry with and him say you shower with the door open or you sleep naked on top of the covers with the door open. Yeah, I've convinced myself he needs to pack now! lol
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:14 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • Poor kid sounds like no one wants him. I hope someone his mom or you put his interest first and give him a stable place to live and not let him feel like a burden. You love your husband you need to love his kid and put that kids interests first.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:59 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • I guess it seems like that right now, but it is real rough having 2 parents in the military I tell ya! If he didnt stay with me he'd be staying with his mothers Aunt or best friend. This possibility was just brought up to me last week, so maybe I am just freaking out about adding even more responsibility and stress about my DH being deployed for a year. Right now it is a "what if", so you are right anything could chage or come up. I just thought that if his mother was in the country again, why wouldnt she care for him....why would "another woman" be raising her son? Just seemed odd to me. I could not imagine having her or anyone else care for my kids if I were here and able!
    Juju99

    Answer by Juju99 at 4:11 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

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