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please be honest

Since spring began a few months ago i have talked non stop about how i cant wait to take DD to the zoo to basically everyone iknow including DF and MIL. Well today i called DF on my break at school and he told me him, dd, mil and fil all went to the zoo! I was so mad/hurt/upset. I actually started crying. I really wanted ot be there with her the first time she went! I told DF how i felt when he got home and he sat there and told me that im being ridiculous and them going to the zoo had nothing to do with me. BUT i told him that since im off school friday we should go to the zoo prior to him making all of these plans. Now hes making it like im doing something wrong and hes mad at me now! WTF?!?!? Someone please give me advice and tell me how to handle this situation

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:35 PM on Jun. 30, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • I'd have been upset too. He may not understand what you're feeling but I have been there for all of my kids firsts with camera usually in hand.
    The reaction won't be the same a few days later, but maybe in a week or two it'll be like an adventure all over again? Depending on how old the little one is.
    I hope he atleast took pics so you could see her reactions to some of the animals.
    He needs to think of how it'd be if he wanted to do something and you beat him to it and didn't invite him to do or try it with you.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 4:44 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • Its REALLY hard to miss things w/ your child. Especially, since you were already planning on taking her to her first trip to the Zoo. I remember when my daughters father took her to get her ears pierced for the fist time......without me, & without telling me. I was LIVID! It was very important for me to be there. You have a right to be hurt, Men just don't understand these things. If it were the other way around, he probably would not make a big deal about it. Write him a note without attacking him, & tell him exactly how it made you feel.


    Answer by samurai_chica at 4:51 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • I'd be upset too. . .esp since he knew how excited you were to go. I'm sorry :(

    Answer by ColtsFan1912 at 4:53 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • You did nothing wrong by stating how you felt about this situation. And, I am sorry to say, there is nothing you can do to "handle" this except to learn from what has happened. The truth is that your feelings were ignored all the way around. He knew what your wishes were, and he ignored them and did what he wanted to do when he wanted to do it. He probably does this sort of thing all the time and you just let it go but this time it was something that was really important to you. You can't change another person's character, but you can change yourself. Next time there's something special you want to do, don't tell a soul until you are ready to do it. That way, no one can steal your plan and your pleasure in getting to do whatever it is.

    Answer by NannyB. at 5:03 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • I agree. He ignored your feelings and so did his parents. I know missing the "firsts" hurts. But you will have other "firsts." I don't know how old she is, but you can have your "mommy and me" day and go some place special just the two of you. Get her a mini manicure. Most places do them for like $5. As for the zoo, if you have no other plans, I see no reason why you can't take her to the zoo again with just the two of you, should others decided not to tag along. Depending on her age, maybe you can do a little scavenger hunt, like "find the animal with stripes," etc. I did that for my son's 2nd birthday at the zoo and it was fantastic.

    Answer by CoolGirlChris at 5:46 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • I agree with the pp's. If you had been expressing that you wanted to take her and they took her without you, that was really inconsiderate and rude. I'm sure as her mother (like us all) her "firsts" are a big deal to you. I would be irate. What reason does he have to be upset?

    Answer by His_Mommy26 at 6:21 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • he is telling you your beinf styupid cause he knows he really screwed up and is trying to reflect the damage by putting back on you. thats totally screwed up. i'd be pissed. in fact so pissed to give him any sex for awhile.

    Answer by melody77 at 6:59 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • I'd wonder who had the idea to go to the zoo. Knowing some people in MY family like I do, if I get excited about something like that, they will do it before I can just to "scoop" me.

    If your in-laws are that way, then I'd suggest from now on when something is coming up like that - DON'T TELL THEM. Not till after it's over and done or until it's too late for them to snag the opportunity away from you.

    And yes, it was rude and inconsiderate of them, especially since you'd talked about it so much.

    Answer by geminilove at 7:17 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • Why can't you still take her to the zoo? You are making way too much out of this.

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 8:15 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

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