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I lied to my son... When do I tell him the truth?

I lied to my son. About my cousin, whom I was very close to. We grew up together... and I told everyone we were like brother and sister, and we were we even fought like bother and sister. Kirk (my cousin) was murdered by gunshot. I was and still am devastated. I told my son who is 4 that uncle Kirk was in an accident and died. My son asked if he was in heaven and I said yes... he paused and said uncle Kirk is probably having fun. He handled the death news pretty well. When should I tell him the truth or should I tell him the truth?


Asked by heather_84 at 5:14 PM on Jun. 30, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 7 (175 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • I told my son something like that when he asked about my grandfather. I didn't tell him about the suicide until he was 9 or 10. I felt that he was ready to understand when I explained what suicide meant. At first, it was difficult to talk about my grandfather & why he chose to die. It got easier as my ds started asking questions.

    Answer by dustbunny at 4:54 AM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • I'm trying to find the lie in this. Do you feel you are lying because you didn't explain that he was murdered? I think for now that an accident is sufficent explanation for a 4 year old. He doesn't need to know the grisely details at such a young age. You can explain to him when he's a little older what happend. 4 is just awful young to have to explain why people murder other people and perhaps why they were murdered.

    Answer by Nika75 at 5:18 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • I agree with the pp you didn't lie you kept your answer age appropriate. When your son is old enough to understand then explain the details.

    Answer by MammaMcC at 5:25 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • I dont think you are being dishonest with him, 4 is young. when he is ready to know the truth he will figure it out. when i was younger my uncle shot himself my mother never told me what happened, but when i was around 12 i kept asking questions until it finally came out what had really happened.

    I am sorry to hear about the loss of your cousin Kirk may God comfort you during this hard time in your life.

    Answer by deneejude at 5:36 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • The other ladies are correct. You didnt lie. Perhaps when he is older and understands the meaning of murder and if its brought up explain it.

    Answer by mistynights234 at 6:29 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • I agree. Telling a 4 year old about what murder is will probably make them very scared. You did the right thing. Don't second guess yourself, you are protecting him.
    So sorry for your loss! How difficult!

    Answer by squish at 3:10 AM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • Waiting until he is emotionally able to process this isnt a lie, its good mothering. He has enough to deal with processing the death. When he is older he will be able to process the how and the why. You did a good job, dont worry.

    Answer by NightOwlMama at 6:33 AM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • i completely agree with the answers above, and yes sorry for you loss.

    Answer by lienna at 7:06 AM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • So sorry for your loss. I don't feel you lied at all you just didn't tell the entire truth to your son. I am sure that your cousin did not plan on getting shot so in that sense it was an accident. As he gets a little older you may want to explain what type of an accident he was in, but for now what you said is just fine.

    Answer by aeneva at 7:40 AM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • I do not see the need i going into the details about how he died to your son, he is too young to understand anyway, it will just open up another flood of difficult questions for you to answer. All he needs to know is he is in heaven and he will see him again on day. Iti s very hard explaining death to your kids, I know. Sorry for your loss.

    Answer by my2kids312 at 12:16 PM on Jul. 1, 2009