Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Could adoption actually be the best thing for some teen moms? Please read thoroughly before reply!

I commend any teen mom for being a truly great mom...but is that really the best situation for all of them? All pregnancy situations are different and complex in their own way. I know some people had bad experiences with adoption, but could we be making a mistake by making them think they can parent because of our own personal issues with the subject? Some people really know they can't be that parent not because someone really made them think they couldn't. I understand we should make good and sure that's what we really want. I don't mean to sound cold, but I feel sorry for these kids who don't get everything they deserve emotionally, physically, and financially because mom wasn't ready. If mom can do all those AWESOME!! But if not, how wonderful we could carefully choose a family who could. It's about the child, not what WE want. I'm on the fence with this one. I was a teen mom too, and I feel like my kid missed out.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 5:14 PM on Jun. 30, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (47)
  • Oh here we go again.

    Answer by MomAt15woah at 5:16 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • If it doesn't apply to you, don't say anything! If you are being a mom to your child, than don't take it so personal! Obviously you didn't read everything I wrote thoroughly.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:18 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • I think choosing adoption can be the most mature and most difficult decision a teen mom can make. It takes a long hard look at yourself, your true ability to parent not just financially but emotionally too, your individual situation. To me it is one of the most loving things a single mom, of any age can do, to insure that her child has the best opportunity possible. Is it the right decision in all cases, no. Is it a viable decision by all means yes.

    Answer by teamquinn at 5:35 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • Thank you teamquinn, I wasn't trying to put down all teen mom's or something. I was one and sometimes I wonder if he got everything he needed by being with me from the beginning. I wasn't saying they all couldn't parent, I was just thinking maybe in SOME cases it would be best for a child.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:40 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • Dead on correct, Anon.

    There is NO one size fits all. Being a biological parent does NOT mean you're automaticaly hte best parent for a child.

    Answer by gdiamante at 6:04 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • I completely agree with teamquinn...and not just because I want to, it takes a great deal of love and strength for any mom to give their baby up for adoption. I admire birth mothers who "know" they're not able to give their baby the life they want it to have, and love that baby enough to allow someone else to raise it. That has to come from somewhere deep down inside -- a strength of character and maturity that some much older moms don't even have.
    It' s not the right decision for everyone of course... I was not a teen mom myself, but I don't know if I could have given away a baby if I had been. Noone knows 100% what is the best thing . Each case is individual and should be treated as such. I agree with gdiamante that there is No one size fits all scenario. We all do the best we can, and make the best choices we can at the moment....hindsight is 20/20, but wouldn't it be awesome if "foresight"

    Answer by lighthousemom3 at 7:42 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • were too. I think all moms birth or adopted feel like we could have or should have done more for our kids. It's the whole guilt thing that we women seem to be born with....
    Bless you for your posting, and ignore rude comments that some posters enjoy making....
    God Bless

    Answer by lighthousemom3 at 7:45 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • I was 16 when I surrendered my first son in an infant adoption, 18 when my second son was born who I raised. I also volunteer my time at a home for teenage moms that provides housing, shared daycare, schooling, job placement, parenting classes and so much more and I firmly believe that 99% of teenagers who become pregnant are capable of being amazing parents to their children. All that they lack and need is the support from others to do so. The only reason I see for adoption to even come into consideration is if there is a known history that the child will be abused or neglected.

    Those who have never lost a child to adoption talk about the strength and love to give your child up without realizing how wrong that very often is. Do you LOVE your child enough to give them to strangers to raise, to spend your life without them? Are you STRONG enough to do such things?

    The truth is, teenage moms who surrender their (cont)

    Answer by bellacocco at 7:59 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • (Cont) babies do so more out of fear and desperation because they have grown up or have been led to believe that they somehow are not good enough for their own flesh and blood and that strangers with more money, better careers, marriage, etc . . . are what their child needs to be happy. They are told the "loving" option is to lose their child instead of being told loving their child means giving and doing everything to be the best parent THEMSELVES that their child deserves.

    The answer, I believe, isn't to say that well some can and some can't. The answer is to provide more help and support for teenage mothers so that less of them are seperated from their children. It isn't about judging from one's experience or not, it's about recognizing that the best place for a child is with his or her mother and it is our responsibility as a society to provide the means to keep a child and mother together wherever we can(Cont)

    Answer by bellacocco at 8:06 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • (Cont) Many of us have grandparents or great grandparents that were teen moms because that was the norm in that age. What has changed now? The belief that material things are important into being a good parent and that those with more and better are more "fit" to raise a child. We have a history of being raised and loved by teenage parents and it might do us good to remember that and see that keeping a mother and child together is, more often than not, the very best thing for a child regardless of money, marriage, career, etc . . .

    Answer by bellacocco at 8:08 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.