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Can you help me decode these statements please?

My son's father and I split up while I was pregnant. Since then we have continued to sleep together and he'll come stay with us for a night or two but is not consistent. I know I need to break the cycle. I was asking him some questions last night. I asked him if he ever thinks about how good things could be as a family. He said "Yes, I think about it but I also know myself so I don't let my imagination cloud my reality." I was confused what he meant and asked him what he meant and if he means he thinks what we have between us may be fake. He said "No, but I know how I am and I got too much to lose to make that a bad situation." He has told me before he's not good enough for me. He's not the most honest guy (lots of girls) & has hurt me a lot in the past. Do you think he means he's scared of screwing up? I asked him to clarify but he ignored me. I love him and want to give our son a chance at a normal life. Should I give up?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:33 PM on Jun. 30, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • OP, believe in yourself, and trust me, you'll grow those balls. If nothing else, do it for your son. Just keep telling yourself that you are doing it for your son because your son deserves better. Then you will be amazed how you end up doing it for yourself as well. Feel free to PM me if you need some encouraging words or someone to vent to, I'm happy to help!
    TheDiva320

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 1:07 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • OP here-update to this question. I asked him to please be up front with me and he said "You want forward here you go. I know you're a good mom and great woman but I can't force myself to be anything but myself. If I was with you I would cheat on you and the situation would be worse. I respect you enough to not put you through that.

    So there it is. I appreciate his honesty but it sucks at the same time. What do you think? I know I need to cut him off but I love him and it's hard.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:35 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • Personally, I think he's not ready to grow up and be in a committed relationship. And what he's saying to you is just that. Also, there is nothing abnormal about a child being raised by one parent, sometimes that is the better option.
    TheDiva320

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 9:35 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • It sounds as though he is using you. He is making it clear that he is not interested in a permanent relationship with you, and he probably makes himself feel better about how he is treating you because he has made this clear.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 9:36 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • Do you want that kind of example around your son? And do you value yourself enough to walk away from this relationship? Not to mention, he's getting all the sex he wants without the committment, why buy the cow when you get the milk for free. He doesn't want to grow up and be a man, he wants to be a kid and do whatever he wants. Move on and walk away from this loser.
    TheDiva320

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 9:37 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • OP here

    Bmat-b/c it is. I added more in the first "reply"
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:41 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • I don't see anything to "decode"... sorry. His statements sound pretty clear to me. He wants "friends with benefits" and nothing more... If you want more than that from him, you'll be sadly disappointed.

    VeronicaLee

    Answer by VeronicaLee at 9:41 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • Diva-I did tell him that I'm chasing a hopeless cause and that I needed to find a healthy relationship. It's just hard to move on, ya know? I think part of me prays he'll change but the other part knows he won't.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:42 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • OP, I know it's hard to let go of something like this. But remember, you are holding on to the man you WANT him to be, not the man he actually is. It's ok to grieve that. And you will need to grieve that, just like if that person died. One step at a time. Deep breaths, focus on your beautiful little boy and everyday remind yourself that you deserve better. I've been in the place you are. I understand. Believe me I do. But you can move past this if you let yourself. He's also be pretty clear about not wanting to change. And if he doesn't want to, there is nothing you can do about it.
    TheDiva320

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 9:45 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • Diva-that's true. I have told him before I was not in love with him but the thought of him. I love coming on here and getting back up support that I can do this. I need to hear that. When it's with him I am so weak when I am so strong everywhere else. I need to do what's best for me and our child.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:47 PM on Jun. 30, 2009

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