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How much should I interfere with helping my daughter and friend work things out?

My 11 year old daughter has a friend that she has been best friends with since birth. Recently, their friendship has been changing and now they hardly speak to each other. They have always attended different elementary schools, but have spent alot of time together because her mother and I are good friends. We have made playdates and they were in dance together. This year my daughter quit dance because she plays on a travel soccer team. Her friend ice skates and competes. Because of busy schedules and different interests, they do not have much in common anymore. My daughter has developed a new best friend and a whole team of good friends. When she and the old friend get together they do not have much to talk about and the old friend is jealous of the new one! They will be at the same middle school next year and in the band together. How much should her mother and I intervene and try to help them stay friends?


Asked by LovetoTeach247 at 2:21 AM on Jul. 1, 2009 in Relationships

Level 4 (33 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • I would talk to your friend about sharing some wisdom about friendships. Friends come and go for different reasons, seasons or may stay for a life time. It's not unusual to have a break in the relationship or in this case, the intensity, at this age. Since they will be seeing each other, both of you can explain that it's ok for this to happen. It may hurt but the sooner we accept these situations, the sooner we can get on with our lives and befriend those we have common interests. Challenge them to focus on things they have in common like band, and to develope an interest they can pursue when they are together (like movies, books, playing their instruments). This is just the beginning of how life works and it is a teaching opportunity as well as a time to ask you child what she is thinking and feeling abou tthe situation and help her to see the other girls point of view. Nobody has done anything wrong here. It's change

    Answer by happi-ladi at 7:31 AM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • I think you should let her work it out for herself. This is how kids learn to deal with real life. If you intervene she'll never grow.

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:30 AM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • I think it's important that your daughter and her friend learn to work things out on their own, and if you try to force them to continue the close friendship you may be doing more damage than good in the long run. Sometimes they need to take a break from each other, but junior high is a tough time, especially for young girls, and they may need each other to lean on later. Let them be the ones to make that decision though. Situations like this can be difficult to sit back and watch, but this is something that they will deal with for the rest of their lives.
    You should also be very proud of your daughter for being able to do what she enjoys and make new friends, there are many children who have a hard time making new friends and branching out from what they are used to. She is going to be a very well adjusted young lady who can deal with anything that is thrown her way.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:34 AM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • Probably the best thing that you can do is to just talk about how sometimes people grow apart, and that it is not a bad thing. You can still be friendly with each other, ask about each other's interests and such. You can also stress the importance of not gossiping or being jealous... basically just encourage positive behavior.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:16 AM on Jul. 1, 2009