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How much should I intervene and help my daughter with an old friend?


My 11 year old daughter has a friend that she has been best friends with since birth. Recently, their friendship has been changing and now they hardly speak to each other. They have always attended different elementary schools, but have spent alot of time together because her mother and I are good friends. We have made playdates and they were in dance together. This year my daughter quit dance because she plays on a travel soccer team. Her friend ice skates and competes. Because of busy schedules and different interests, they do not have much in common anymore. My daughter has developed a new best friend and a whole team of good friends. When she and the old friend get together they do not have much to talk about and the old friend is jealous of the new one! They will be at the same middle school next year and in the band together. How much should her mother and I intervene and try to help them stay friends?

 
LovetoTeach247

Asked by LovetoTeach247 at 2:26 AM on Jul. 1, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 4 (33 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • No, do not intervene. This is not about them having problems. THis is about them going in different directions. Dont try to make them stay friends so that its easier on you and the other mom. Youre friends...thats great, but your kids might not be. Thats okay. My best friend has a daughter that is the same age as mine. Theyve been best friends as well since they were 2. They never went to the same school until 3rd grade and even then, it was only for 1 year. As we have moved away from the area, my best friend and I are still best friends. Our girls are friends, but their interests are different, they dont share the same academic skills and her daughter is a bit more boy crazy than mine (I think), hers goes to a co op homeschool and mine goes to public school and will be attending a christian school next year. We dont even live in the same county. Let them decide how to define their relationship. You might be surprised.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 4:40 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • you should let them figure it out on there own, you ladies trying to help them is just going to make them feel like your invading there space and there personal life, maybe they will work things out when they have band together
    looovemybabies

    Answer by looovemybabies at 2:28 AM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • I agree with PP.
    AllAboutKeeley

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 2:29 AM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • I feel what you are going through ! because my daughter has a best friend since birth and they 've been in the same classes since kindergarten . my daughter would come home this year and say that her so called best friend was not acting nice towards her and it hurt my daughters feelings . I explained to my daughter that she is going to have alot of friends in her life and so is erica and you and erica may not be best friends one day so you have to make up your mind that if she doesn't want to play with you find someone else to play with . I t's harder for the parents than the children . and i also explained to her that sometimes best friends drift apart and have little in common any more.
    coffee37

    Answer by coffee37 at 9:38 AM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • No, do NOT interevene. They need to learn how to deal with things on their own. If the friendship is meant to continue, it will. Don't force anything.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 12:03 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • Let them figure it out. Friends come and go. People will always come in and out of our lives forever. It's a part of the journey. Let them be different. My best friend in elementary school and I went separate ways by high school, she had new friends and new interests. I was very sad and at times very jealous. Never saw her again after graduation. It was sad. But we both grew up and led very different lives. Now, 20+ years later, we reconnected on Facebook and I swear, it's like we never left each other.
    CoolGirlChris

    Answer by CoolGirlChris at 12:06 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • I agree with the other moms. I have 2 girls 12 and 16, and found that getting in the middle just makes things worse. They will figure it out. People change and maybe they don't really want to be friends. They don't have to be bff's for you to be friends with her mom. You never know they may
    find their way back to each other in a few years. But for now, stay out of it. IMO.
    wallmom1

    Answer by wallmom1 at 4:11 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • Try not to interfere. People change, kids change, relationships change... That is just a part of life. I understand it maybe hard for you because you and the other girl's mother a close, but that doesn't mean your daughters have to be, or will be...
    I have gone through something similar with my son's best little buddy from the time they were babies. They are just two different kids, my son likes to build things and read and do art work, the other boy is very athletic and competitive.. They have just grown apart. The mom and I were really really close for years and she is also changing a lot and we don't have much in common anymore either. It hurts, but I am just learning to accept that not all relationships last or stay the same...
    KTMOM

    Answer by KTMOM at 5:12 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • I don't think your job is to intervene in the sense of helping them stay friends, but I know my DD10 needs guidance in COMMUNICATING. How to say things honestly and kindly and not run from certain situations. I don't think those skills come naturally, and they need them as they grow.
    BelleRocks

    Answer by BelleRocks at 11:17 PM on Jul. 1, 2009