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Step Mother with question about BM?

Does BM's ever start to work together to do what is best for the child? Or for the most part am I to expect that for the rest of our lives women like this will contiue to remain vidictive, jealous, and manipulative?

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Asked by amsterc13 at 11:24 AM on Jul. 1, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (15)
  • omg, I am wondering the same thing. My SO && I are coming up on a year && his kids' BM is still acting like a child!!

    Answer by HisMommySince07 at 11:28 AM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • In my, we didn't "work together". I'm the BM. The step was more interested in the wallet than the kids. She convinced him to NOT pay child support while they bought a boat, a house, etc. My own kids had told her what a horrible mother she was by looking at her own kids.
    (one of her kids asked my daughter if they could change mothers, haha)

    Answer by EireLass at 11:34 AM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • Some outgrow it.....some don't.

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 11:35 AM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • I am leaning towards two years and truthfully didn't think it would happen overnight, but was hoping that over time it might. I was even really excited when BM started to get her life together and start dating a a new guy that seems stable and a good thing for her. Little did I know that now instead of things easying up, it has gotten worse. Ridiculous emails accusing both my finacee and I of causing some behavior issues with her in the 4 days a month we now see her as opposed to the almost 20 days a month we used to. Issues that their child is now "saying" things at her house as if we talk about things in front of their child and the list goes on and on! It's crazy!

    Answer by amsterc13 at 11:36 AM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • my SO's ex has accused us of so many things, she went around to her entire family && my SO's family telling them that we burned their youngest daughter with a cigarette && blamed us when their son took a condom to school, saying he got it from our house!! She continued to spread the cigarette lie even AFTER she took the baby to the doctor && the doctor confirmed that it was NOT a cigarette burn, but ECZEMA && their son didn't get a condom from our house b/c we have never even had a condom in this house!!! She has done everything from trying to convince me that he is cheating on me with her to keeping the kids from us for months at a time to "prove a point." When the kids asked why couldn't they go to their dad's house, she told them "b/c he won't act right." It just really pisses me off to no end that she uses her kids to try to get her way.

    Answer by HisMommySince07 at 11:48 AM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • Things for the most part are pretty stable between us and the BM. She has a husband of her own, and we tend to both try and do what's best for my stepson. However, almost all correspondence between us and her goes thru me, and not my husband. She has a tendency of picking fights with him, so it just works out better all the way around if I'm the one to deal with her. I have infinitely more patience than my husband does. Disputes still come up, but we are usually able to work past them. Hang in there, and eventually things might get better.

    Answer by my2.5boys at 12:51 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • Wow I am so sorry to hear all of that! Sounds like she is a real vindicitve woman and it's really sad. I can tell you that it's very similar to the situation I am in for example right around the holidays last year she got serous with someone and pulled the fast one that we expected and kept their daughter for Chrismas, not allowing us to spend this holiday with her until Jan 2. We filed in Jan to take her back to court for more detailed paperwork due to this and several other issues that started to go south. I can tell you we are now in July and she has been given every opportunity to compromise, but feels that at 3 their daughter should be in daycare 40-50 hours a week and that her father (my finacee) should now all of a sudden not be allowed more than 4 days a month with his child. We are headed to a full blown trial in October over this! Nice right?

    Answer by amsterc13 at 12:53 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • My mum and stepmum are now best of friends. We all went on holiday together. Without my dad! Haha. They became friends when my dad got with her stepmum.

    Answer by mum-to-be-at-18 at 12:54 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • How nice to hear that although things are rough you can and do comminicate more than your husband does with his ex. I wish at this point that might be the case in our situation or that one day things will get easier, even if it is slightly, however I don't see it happening in the forseeable future and that is the frustrating thing! I am sure as a mother, the BM if my situation probably wants what is best for their daughter, but I often wonder just how clouded it is by her own wants, needs, and anger.

    Answer by amsterc13 at 1:00 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • It has gotten easier . At first the BM nosey bc she was worried about the kids and was unsure of what I would be doing with them. Now that she knows I am normal and the kids like me she is mostly fine. We have a surface level friendly relationship so that we casually discuss the kids, weather, ect. I would even say that I like and respect her. Of course there are points of disagreement, but I leave it to my DH to handle them. I find that I am happier if I just keep out of their disputes and go with the flow on however it works out. And now that I have been around almost 5 years I already know that holidays, doctors visits, sports or religion ... are triggers for their disagreement. It is too much for him to get flack from me after he gets it from her...and I have ZERO say anyway. So after I have expressed my concern, my time is better spent getting a pedicure to relieve any stress the situation causes.

    Answer by Niki_sd at 2:26 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

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