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Have you ever felt that you've become your parent's parent?

I live with my mother, and I have basically come to the conclusion that she doesn't know how to take care of herself.... or that she just doesn't want to. I cook, clean, and look after her. I am the person the rescues her when shes in trouble, pushes her to make friends and gives her advise. On top of paying her rent and paying for all of my own expenses..... My mom has supported me financially until I turned 18 but once I turned into a teen (about 12 years old) she basically stopped taking care of me on any other level. For a long time I thought that she either really hated me or that I was just expecting too much from her, but now I think that she just can't take care of herself or anyone else, so I became her parent. It really makes me sad and it extremely frustrating because I have my own child to take care of. Has anyone else ever felt like this?

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:29 AM on Jul. 1, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (4)
  • It comes to many of use in time as the parent becomes fragile and needs someone to help out and supervise, but it seems that your mother started needing extra care at a much younger age. My parents controlled their lives as long as they could. Now that my mother has fragile health, my sister drives her and shops for her, most cleaning, laundry (because the washer is in the basement.) I don't know if you could encourage your mother to be more independent by backing off a bit in caring for her. Take weekend trips and let her get used to dealing on her own?

    Answer by Bmat at 11:34 AM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • OP here -I'm sorry sorry that your mom is sick :( and if my mom was sick I wouldn't be complaining but she is only 47.... now If I don't supervise her eating habits she will eat like complete crap so she probably wont be healthy for very long, but for now she is healthy. I actually moved out of her house for a year and a half because I couldn't deal with it anymore... then I had a baby, fell on a financial hardship and had to move back in. While I was gone she took care of her basic needs, but when ever I would check on her... she would be sleeping. Always sleeping. Now that I live here again shes pretty much stopped doing anything around the house. I know my mom has had some depression issues and takes some meds for it but she never pushes herself for a better life. Sometimes I feel sorry for myself because I wish I got to grow up like everyone else instead of going from being a little kid to being an adult very very quickly.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:58 AM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • Not at all.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 12:05 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • I know plenty of people who have had to deal with that when their parents were in the 80's and 90's but this is the first time I've hearing of it with a mother at 47. sounds like she is depressed.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:45 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

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