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I need advice....feel free to bash.....i just need help

okay, sunday me and my hubby got in an fight about the school we want to send our kids to....well i thought it was left at that...well monday he called me on his break and he said we needed to talk about it, i said ok, but we dont have to deal with it for another 3 years....he said well if your not gonna change your mind then we should get divorce....i said ok love you too hunny bye bye...and i hung up...well he left work early, didnt come home until the next day at 2 in the afternoon....what would you do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:45 PM on Jul. 1, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • What would I do.. Once he walks in the door again...I would tell him as politely as possible that I will not tolerate he 8th grade tactics and he needs to grow up and act like an adult.

    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 12:47 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • sounds like there has to be issues bigger than this in your marriage if this fight was about what school your sending your child too. you need to figure what what the bigger issue is. because a marriage shouldn't end over this.
    amy31308

    Answer by amy31308 at 12:47 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • Ask him where he has been..Tell him he is getting all bent out of shape about something we do not need to worry about for at least 2 years. JMO
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 12:52 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • I would try to find out what the real problem is because I don't believe for one minute that this is about where your children go to school. When you talk to him, start the conversation by telling him that you appreciate that the education of your children is so important to him, and then very gently try to get to what the real issue is. Also, think about what key phrases he uses when the two of you get into any kind of an argument. You will find that those remarks are key to what's really bothering him. Try not to say "you always" or "you never" kind of things. Those will put him on the defensive. Remember, your mission is to determine what's really eating at him. Then you can work on that together.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 12:54 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • Ride the storm as if nothing happend. The ball is in his court. Just wait untill he makes the next move.
    hermajesty2

    Answer by hermajesty2 at 1:07 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • It actually could be a big deal to him where the kids go to school. Especially if he is highly educated himself, or his religion is very important to him. Or if you want to send your kids to a type of school that reminds him of one he went to, and had a bad experience. Every parent has their "crusade" issue. Whether its health, education, discipline, etc. It might be his 'hot button" so to speak. But he does need to sit down and talk to you about his reasoning like an adult, and yes, things like this are better worked out in advance. My DH doesn't like the fact that my DS is going to be "virtual schooled" this year. But he also doesn't like the fact that he's getting left behind because of that stupid "left behind law" that's supposed to protect him. So we're going to do it for a year and see how he does. Maybe you can compromise.
    Lesli

    Answer by Lesli at 1:09 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • Ignore him and DO NOT bring up him "leaving". He obviously wants some kind of reaction from you. Threatening you with divorce over school is just him trying to get his way. It's so immature and I know it's so irritating. I know certain other people that act like that on occasion :) Makes me mad as hell, but be normal as possible. Damn men.
    Lauren24

    Answer by Lauren24 at 1:20 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • There could be alot of reasons for his behavior. He may have gotten upset at the fact that he wanted to talk and was "dismissed" in a sense. ( not saying that was your intention) Sometimes what the person reacts to isnt necessarily what is really bothering them. Us women do it all the time. I understand that you were hurt and irritated by his quick use of the "D" word and reacted by not even entertaining his outburst.. but there may be some hint in what he is saying.. maybe something is bothering him and he is flirting with the idea of splitting up. It is hard to give sound advise when we only get a snapshot.. but I think the best thing to do is talk to your husband. Discuss his behavior, and how that affects not only you, but your children. Then listen, you may not agree, but remember those are his feelings and he needs them respected. Explain your side and try to discuss ways to compromise. Good Luck! Praying 4 U!
    Tzutchka

    Answer by Tzutchka at 1:33 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • maybbe he needs to go back to school! if that's not and 5yr old move, knee jerk reaction i don't know what is, first that is not who you problem solve, you lean to talk about things until you come with a mutal agreement, way pro's and con's why does each one chose what school, see what is a better school, what are you looking for in a school and ttake it from there. and as far as him saying he wants a divorce behind that petty shit, i would have to question his loyalty to me/our marriage, our family. why would he walk out on his family over that? perhaps there are other issuse and he is looking for a way out? why would he want to end is marriage and saty out all night? if it was that imporatnt to him why not come home to his family (like a real man should) and work this out, you don't threaten divorce because of school choice, honey he wants to leave and why on;y you him and god knows, i would bless him to get the F on!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:42 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • If your husband is fighting with you, calling you on his break to discuss something that could easily be discussed at dinner, threatening divorce and then not returning home for THE NIGHT [???] over something like school that's not even an issue for another 3 years, then he's either incredibly childish or there's a bigger issue. You need to find out which and deal with it.
    CoolGirlChris

    Answer by CoolGirlChris at 1:43 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

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