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For those raising teen girls?

.. Does anyone know any resources on the web where i can get help or advice in raising a teen girl? My husband and i have a 4 yr old and recently had to take in his teen brothers and sister. His sister 13, has the mind of an adult about boys...im afraid to ask if shes still a virgin..I wouldnt know how to react. About dating i preffer her not too at all. She is boy crazy. Is it fair to tell her shes not allowed ?
How do we take control of what she does and wear? Is it okay to pick out her clothes ?..She was really open to me at first about what she does, or did, and loved to show off how bad she was. Of course once i made it clear where im coming from, shes thought twice about telling me things, and went so far to hide things.. what do i do? ...Im not her friend, im her guardian and caregiver. But i dont want to overdo it by isolating her..

Answer Question
 
aMbeR012005

Asked by aMbeR012005 at 5:22 PM on Jul. 1, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • I wasnt the best kids out there and my parents isolated me and it was the best thing for me.. if you have to pick out her clothes and follow her do it, it might be for her own good
    mommadent

    Answer by mommadent at 5:27 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • My dd is 22 and we had a rough time when she was a teen. If I could do it over, I would have clear rules and consequenses. The boy issue is a tough one also. I would suggest family counseling for any family raising challenging teens,if possible.
    writeon

    Answer by writeon at 5:28 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • Choose her clothes while shopping, something covering (over the shoulders and longer than two inches above the knee caps), but make sure that it has something trendy (a logo or something). For my daughter, I didn't buy her any Abercrombie & Fitch. Instead I bought her university labels, like Mizzou (for University of Missouri) because it had a better message. University team labels were just as popular as mall labels with the school kids.
    BlueSaphire

    Answer by BlueSaphire at 5:43 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • ill take that advice.. Thank you. Im actually 21..Ive taken what i went through in my upbringing. Mine was just so different than these kids. They lived with their mother ,who knew every signle thing about them becuase she chose to be the 'cool' , no rules' drug atict mom. Ya know, thas what they're used to..i gues their adjusting to our world. My husband wasnt raised by his mom, thank God. Only time will tell. Im goign to keep an eye on what she wears, restrict, but let her know why. I wantthem to know what we expect of them, and what we wont allow. - i give my mother so much credit..i dont know how she did it.
    aMbeR012005

    Answer by aMbeR012005 at 7:33 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • There are lots of groups on cafemom for mom's of teens, moms of teen daughters, teen drama, etc. I'd suggest you join those groups and look through all the issues, questions, advice. I joined CM when looking for answers on a specific issue at the time, but have found it so helpful to be aware of other potential problems and prepare myself to deal with them by looking at advice and thinking how I'd handle it.

    good luck!
    PhillyinFrance

    Answer by PhillyinFrance at 8:31 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • HEL* NO she can't date at her age. Yes set boundaries but I would not pick out her clothes. She has to have some control over her life;however, no Ho clothes. Let's teach her self respect. Raise her self esteem so she doesn't have to throw herself at boys to get attention.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:08 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • I have a 14yr old as far as clothing, I take her shopping, give her a budget and she chooses what she wants to wear, BUT, I have to approve it. if it looks remotely slutty it goes back on the rack. I like marshalls, tj maxx, burlington coat factory and macy's clearance rack for brand names at cheap prices.

    Dating, waaaay to young, only inviting trouble. Just talk to her and explain to her that dating is serious is she's still too young. maybe u guys can have that conversation at 16 or 17yrs.

    I know you're not her friend, youre her guardian, but still talk to her as a friend. I do with my daughter and she tells me everything. she still tells me "ooh he's cute" and i'll say, yeah he's ok, that for me, helps keep the lines of communication when it comes to boys.
    So just be fair, understanding and sincere and she'll keep coming to you. Best of luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:16 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • My daughter is 15 right now and thinks she knows all there is to know. WRONG. I sat my husband down one night when she turned 13 and told him that whether he was comfortable with the subject or not we had to discuss our daughter growing up. She needed the rules and direction. We discussed what we each felt was in her best interest, how much leeway we would grant her and agreed that we would NEVER allow her to play us against each other. Do this with your husband. Then have an open conversation with your sister-in-law when you and your husband have set up the guidelines. Be ready to give in a little in some areas (remember the discussion on leeway?). This lets her know she has some choice in her life. The conversation should be between just you and her but make sure she knows her brother, your husband, is with you on these guidelines. Be willing to listen, try to understand but, be ready to punish if rules are broken.
    Nan_g

    Answer by Nan_g at 10:37 AM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • Yea, i agree on no dating. I just dont know if to tell her " okay marina, i know yoru mom let you date and stay over your boyfriends house, but no dating at all, " Her life is boys. The clothes, i go to tj max, she says its not her type of store. Im just going to tell her its eaither that store or nothing.

    ...she tells me the things shes done , and i like almost freaked.Like i had to walk away and just change the subject. What do i say, 'okay , dont do that anymore '..
    aMbeR012005

    Answer by aMbeR012005 at 11:52 AM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • Gosh that has got to be hard, but think its great that you are willing to step up to the plate. Is it possible that your dh could take on more of the parenting with her, be more authoratative with her, so it won't be so hard and ackward on you? I wish you the best.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:16 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

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