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What do you do if you found out your daughters been molested by her father when she was between 5-8 and now she is 23?

I divorced her dad 18 years ago. She married last October and now they are seperated already. Her best friend told me about the molestation.She is now 23 years old. This is not the first rumour I have heard about her father. The women he is married to has a daughter and she is 20 now but back then she was 8 and told her that my xhusband touched her. Of course her mother did not believe her. This info came to me 4 weeks ago. Dont know what to do. I think he is a preditor. Do I go to his wife or what. This can turn into a big mess. Also did i mention after we divorced he married the 2nd wife after me and had to kids(girls) and they were married 5 years maybe 6 and left the state and wont let him see them. They were under the age of 6. I think thats a possible too. What should I? This is a big can of worms that I could open up and hurt a lot of people. If someone reads this from arizona maybe they can help me find his ex wife.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:24 PM on Jul. 1, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (12)
  • Well gosh, if you were my mom you would not believe me.
    Teachermom01

    Answer by Teachermom01 at 5:28 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • I think your first concern is your own daughter. make sure she is ok, gets counseling if she needs it and knows it is not your fault. If his other children are grown, I dont see any reason to contact the other mothers. It may embarrass your daughter if you tell others so I would keep my focus on her. I would answer differently if there were small children to protect. Kinda scary that he could do it ot grandchildren...so after some time with your daughter u could notify the other family, but let your daughter guide you since it is her story..Im sorry u are going thru this!
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 5:31 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • So your DD never said anything to you about this??
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 5:36 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • My first step would be to talk to your daughter. Ask her permission to talk to the other woman about the abuse. I was raised by an aunt and uncle, and only came forward about my abuse when my cousin married and had children that were staying with their grandparents, and I was afraid the same thing would happen all over again. The way predators thrive is through the silence of their victims. If your daughter is at a point where she can come forward, then at least everyone will know that , yes this man does have a problem that needs to be dealt with. If he is not willing to seek counseling then at least the grandchildren (or other small relatives) can be kept away except under extreme supervision. The other woman may not want to believe the man she married could be capable of such actions, so be prepared for her disbelief. It is always better though to speak up than be silent! Good luck hon and feel free to msg me if you want.
    Emuu

    Answer by Emuu at 5:42 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • talk to your dd and see what she wants to do about it
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:57 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • I'm in arizona.... pm me if you like.
    katskelington

    Answer by katskelington at 1:26 AM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • I'm so sorry. Your daughter is probably still suffering, things like that can have a very bad and lasting impact. Encourage your daughter to go to a counselor. I know that God cares about her too, so we can pray for her healing too. There is a very good group for people who have had hard things happen in their lives at http://www.providentliving.org/ses/emotionalhealth/0,12283,2129-1,00.htmlI
    Sincerely, Jeanere
    Jeanere

    Answer by Jeanere at 2:33 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • I would find him beat the crap out of him, or drug him and get "pedifile" tattooed on his face.

    Good luck with your situation and hope your daughter will be strong and not let him live rent free in her head.
    You will be in my prayers
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:59 PM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • o and if you know his ex wifes name you can try looking on google, or pipl.com
    thats the only one that i know of that doesnt try to make you pay. It doesnt bring up a ton of results but i found my father in law on there.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:01 PM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • Talk to your daughter if you can....She needs to be validated first of all.
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 1:23 AM on Jul. 4, 2009

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