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What's up with having to ask your husband/SO/boyfriend permission for everything?

I've seen so many posts from people who say they have to "ask" their SO to babysit, give them money, if they can go out of the house, etc. What's up with that? Aside from the fact that a dad can't "babysit" his own child (that's called parenting), why do you have to ask for these things? Isn't marriage supposed to be an equal partnership? Would you want your daughters to grow up and marry someone who treated them like a child? Would you want your sons to grow up and treat their SO like that? I understand discussing things like going out with your friends on a don't want to just up and leave without saying anything, but having to ask permission and worrying that your husband will say "no" (and then abiding by his ruling) seems ridiculous to me.


Asked by feministmama at 8:01 PM on Jul. 1, 2009 in Just for Fun

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Answers (45)
  • I'll take knuckledragging retrograde patriarchy for 400, Alex. (will that be ok, Alex? only if it's ok with you, Alex, you know best, and I'm just an emptyheaded girl . . . )

    grrrr . . .

    Answer by autodidact at 11:39 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • well as ridiculous as it may sound to some, alot of women are in that very position. And it would be great if we all could stand up and say"nope I am a free person, this is a partnership and treat me good or I am outta here" but reality isnt like that for everyone. Beleive me, those women who have to "ask and abide" as you put it...they are well aware that life isnt supposed to be that way and they feel bad about themselves enough, without judgements. I used to be one of them :o).

    Answer by Bearsjen at 8:03 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • I agree, it sounds ridiculous to me, too.

    Hubby and I have been married almost 25 years and have a two year old. I don't ask him to watch our son, we discuss our weekend plans and work the "babysitting" out between us.

    I think some men consider the kids to be "women's work". Sad, really. My dad was like that. Recently my mom said I was lucky a lot of men of my husband's generation (he's 44) take more interest in raising their kids. But, there are still some bad apples in the bunch! LOL

    Answer by timelessglass at 8:06 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • i dont work so i have to ask him for things because he has the debit card. if i want to go some where i need to ask becasue i will need gas... he never tells me no, but i still ask just because how else am i gonna get it. as far as watching kids i dont know how thats gonna work i am kinda scared to leave him alone with a newborn, parenting comes natural to women and my SO is gonna be a great father but he has never been around a baby and that scares me like he wont know what to do...

    Answer by ggiovanni at 8:08 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • I am SAHM and my dh asks ME.

    Answer by writeon at 8:21 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • Parenting does not come more natural to any woman than it does to a man. For some reason, we just let men get away with being more irresponsible. I wasn't any more prepared for parenting than my husband was, and I never once let him get away with using that kind of cop out. Fortunately, he never really tried to anyway.

    Answer by feministmama at 8:25 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • I ask if he can watch our son because he might be doing something that day. I do respect the fact that he might have plans, he does the same with me. I ask for money when I don't have any at the moment, when he doesn't have money; he asks me.

    I dont' see what point you are trying to make. Asking is polite, assuming is rude, even in a marriage.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:50 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • I ask about stuff like money, and he never says no because he knows that I will raise hell until I get my way anyway, so he just avoids all that and gives me what I want. LOL

    Answer by Jessaroo1987 at 9:35 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • My so doesn't live with my daughter and me, so yes, I have to "ask" him to babysit. But it's NOT the same as asking permission to leave my own home!! I'm a grown woman, and I answer to no one.

    Answer by Fallaya at 9:38 PM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • Writeon- same here. I'm a SAHM and he asks me. Actually he gets an allowance and if he needs more he asks if he can. To be honest dh couldn't tell you how much our mortgage is or our car payments or anything for that matter. The only thing he could tell you is how much we spend on groceries because he does the grocery shopping.

    Answer by sadira29 at 9:38 PM on Jul. 1, 2009