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Positive, healthy, respectful ways for my preteen to express anger...

Ok, I'm really good at telling her what she can't do when she's angry. I even acknowlegde that she's angry and it's ok for her to be angry. But, I have no idea of what ways to tell her that are good, effective ways for her to express her anger... ways that won't get her in more trouble and lead to more anger, which gets her in more trouble, etc.

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PA2B

Asked by PA2B at 1:27 AM on Jul. 2, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Get her to write it out. Seriously, it helps a ton just getting it out, but it's on a paper, and it's quiet, and also a relief. She can even write a note to you if she is upset about something, and you write one back. My H and I have communication problems because he won't talk, so we tried it, and it helps both of us understand and think about what we're going to say. Also helps with arguments.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:33 AM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • I agree with anon, tween ans teens love to write about themselves for the most part. I would give her a journal and tell her to write her feelings down and maybe be willing to show you her thoughts...raw and uncensored.
    Gigi1969

    Answer by Gigi1969 at 1:54 AM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • She can write in a journal or just on a piece of paper and throw it out when she is done. She can go for a walk, read a book, punch pillows, scream into a pillow, squeeze clay or playdough. Get her a stress ball that she can squeeze. She can exercise or clean. These are all suggestions from when my son was in anger management.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:16 AM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • I used to write it all down. It was all written in poems. My mom didnt even know that what i would write about was my life she thought it was all stuff i just thought up. I was going to get it published but one day i got mad and threw it all in the fireplace. I wish i didnt i could have made quite a bit off all of that.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:48 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • Thanks a lot ladies... great suggestions!
    PA2B

    Answer by PA2B at 9:51 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • Yes writing is good and also just using words and not expressions or moans and sighs. Ask her to put her thoughts into words as best as she can. Avoid using words like "you make me feel", "always" "never". Its better to say...I feel _____ when you do _____. Also explain that she needs to wait until she can use words respectfully before talking. Its better to calm down first, then when youre thinking clearly, say how you feel. I have a child learning this too. Shes 11.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 10:26 AM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • Anything that doesnt damage property, herself or her (or your) reputation. If she wants to go to her room and crank her radio......ok. That truly used to make me feel better. Not speak to you, fine. Go in the backyard and scream.... have at it.
    Tracyrae

    Answer by Tracyrae at 11:42 AM on Jul. 11, 2009

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