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my hubby is willing to help but then throws it in my face

I am a SAHM and i have 4 daughters! a 6 ,5,2,and 4months! we live in a 3 bd rm double wide. Everyone knows that girls require more clothes then boys so we have alot of clothes in our house and trust me ive down sized alot and do so often! anyhow sometimes not all the time i dont get to all the house work and the hubby only works 14 days a month! so on his days off he helps me around the house without complaining! but then hell get mad about something and its very often always diffrent things like ill be sitting down nursing my baby and then the comment of how lazy i am start! and how we live in a pig pen and so forth! my house aint that dirty either nothing sticks to ur feet when you walk and your socks stay white! anyway how do i get him to stop helping? it aint worth the bitching! and those of you thatll say clean dont bother im serious and need serious answers! what r diffrent ways i can muliti task and get more done???


Asked by Anonymous at 2:59 AM on Jul. 2, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • I would remind him that you do the best you can especially with 4 little ones home all day 'helping' and needing your attention- and if he does not like it he can shut up and clean it himself and then you complain about how he does it.

    My hubs tried that- he did not like how I mopped floors -so I dropped the mop and said "if you can do better have at it!" and then I refused to mop the floors again for a very long time after that. I felt that since he did not like how I did it, HE could mop the floors when they were dirty.

    For my house I have a schedule of sorts. There are chores I do everyday (like dishes), some (like laundry) I do on certain days, and other things I do 'as needed'. I also have my kids help-- mine are 12, 10 and 3-- they are old enough to pick up toys and put things away and they have certain chores that they are assigned to do (like put away their own clean clothes, make their beds...).

    Answer by MizLee at 2:14 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • Try I don't get her emails any more, but her ideas are really really good. If you can get the book sink reflections and read it is a lifesaver. :)

    Answer by SusieD250 at 3:04 AM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • I would tell him you work only 14 days a month and I work everday with no days off, get over it and help me, and stop your damn bitching. Good Luck

    Answer by looovemybabies at 3:13 AM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • When he complains about how dirty it is say "hunny, if you think the house is that bad then I would really appreciate more help so it's in a more suitable condition for you."
    And when he calls you lazy say "Really? I'm sorry you feel that way. But after doing the dishes, 6 loads of laundry, grocery shopping, and entertaining 4 children all day, I guess I do take quite a long rest at night...."
    Really though, either of those responses could start a fight if he's that kind of guy. You can be upfront and tell him you feel unappreciated and that the things that you do go unnoticed when he says those things. OR You can literally say "Hunny, if you're going to hold it against me then I will try and tackle all of the house work myself so that you can relax more". I guess it depends on your relationship.

    Answer by momma_shuler at 3:18 AM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • My DH is the same way. Being a SAHM is hard, and he is realising it now that he isnt working!!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:26 AM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • Flylady is a good site. Me personally, I dont take that crap. I would say ever so nicely, "oh honey I am so sorry you feel that way, I tell you what, You can clean it so its up to your standards." And then I would sit back and watch the fun for a couple of weeks and maybe "complain" about his laziness. Then when he got upset I would point out that I completely understand and that its very unfair for EITHER of us to feel that way or say those things when we both contribute in different ways. Sigh men...they are so clueless sometimes.

    Answer by NightOwlMama at 9:01 AM on Jul. 2, 2009