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how to deal with your Fiancé is in jail?

My Fiancé was just picked up on charges of not going to a court hearing. We have no idea what is going on. No one is telling either of us what is going on. plus he is in another county right now also. How do you deal with not being able to see him and not be able to talk to him.

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:42 AM on Jul. 2, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • You just do, they have to tell him why they are arresting him, if he should have showed up for court, then he should have showed up for court. Tell him next time to do what he needs to do to handle his business and this won't happen again.

    Answer by kustomkrochet at 7:50 AM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • well as soon as he gets past intake...which should only be like a day or so, he can call you and you can talk. or he should get a visiting list. and they cant hold him in there and not tell him why...but maybe he isnt telling you why. in which case, maybe you should double think your involvement with him. i guess it depends how much bs you wanna put up with.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:51 AM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • I don't know if the fact that I was still his wife made a difference, or if it's just where I live, but when my ex was arrested, I was able to call the jail where he was being held, give them his name and they told me why he was being held. They had to have told him why he was being arrested, and I find it very hard to believe that he is completely clueless as to what is going on. If I were you, I'd call the jail and see if they will tell you why he is being held. As for dealing with him being in there, once he is settled, he should be allowed to make phone calls, have visitors and write letters. If your county jail has a website, you may be able to go on there and find out visiting hours, an address and how to send him letters, etc.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 8:00 AM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • I need some more information.

    Why is he in another country? What was the court hearing about?

    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 9:56 AM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • no one needs more information to answer the question about how they feel with him being gone, that's just being nosey. You deal with it just like you would if he were a truck driver or a traveling salesman or in the military where he has to be gone for a while. His absence will teach you good coping skills. Many men have to be away from us. It's normal. Appreciate him more while he is gone so you will have quality time with him when he's gone. Missing them can be a good thing. It helps the relationship grow strong.

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:13 AM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • C-O-U-N-T-Y. Not Country.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:24 AM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • Well I would not believe him if he said he did not know about a court date. I would be investigating the paper for arrests made and his name. Arrests are listed in the paper and would be archived. When I found out what it was I would make a choice to either help him (only for a nonviolent offense or minor traffic offense) or drop him like a bad habit ( violent crime, theft, DUI, drugs or other offenses that would make me not want him around my kids). It sucks you cannot speak to him or see him but if he is in trouble he kind of did that to himself and to you.

    I was engaged to a man who ended up raping 7 women. When he was arrested he had no clue and was innocent looking. I bought his bull and for a few days was angry at everyone but him. I realized after hearing the charges and looking at my calendar he was not with me like he said during the times of the rapes. Jewelry he gave me was the victims. Be careful.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:35 AM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • Actually I wasn't being nosey, I was thinking maybe he was arrested while he was in the miltiary and overseas or maybe he returned to the states and got arrested for missing a court date... which didn't make a lot of sense considering there are laws to protect military members in situations like those.

    Thank you to the person who clarified that he was in another county not country... I think my mind added the "r" in.

    I agree I wouldn't believe him that he didn't know about it. He has to be notified of the court appearance... He will get his day in court and he will either get sentenced to jail or get a lighter sentence and not go to jail, but get community service or fined or whatever.

    Depends on what the charge was for, if I would stay with him or not.

    As far as dealing with him being gone, people do it every day. You just go on with your life. You learn to deal with it. Although, *I* would be (contd)

    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 11:07 AM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • (contd)

    very angry, no matter what it was for, because he did it to himself. And will not be contributing in any way to the household while he is incarcerated. Not financially, not physically, not emotionally, etc.


    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 11:10 AM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • I read "country" too. LOL. As for dealing with it... you have no choice. You have to. Because you're not married, I'm not sure the courts would give you information. But they might. Call the court or county jail (or the police precinct) and tell them your fiance was arrested and you need more information, i.e. is a new hearing set, will a court appointed attorney be provided, was bail set, etc. As for getting upset over what he did or didn't do, or what he did or did not tell you. That's a another argument for another time. Focus on the current task. When that's all settled, then you deal with what the original court hearing was about. Could me something very simple, like a traffic ticket he forgot about.

    Answer by CoolGirlChris at 11:51 AM on Jul. 2, 2009

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