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13 and having sex?

would you tell your sister if her 13 year old daughter was having sex?
my niece confided in me and i have given her an ultimatum to tell her mom by sunday or i will tell her myself. i feel she is too young to be making adult decisions and she should face the consequences of her actions. i told her if she fesses up herself, i will be there for moral support. but god, i feel like if she would get pregnant or an std, i would be partly responsible. i cant even sleep because of this. i still remember the day she came home from the hospital. she is an honors student, extremely athletic, beautiful, and seriously is so NOT attention deprived. she goes to church and attends all the functions. i cried when she told me because she just has so much potential. what is your take on this??? she said she is scared of losing my sis's trust, cell phone...but not scared to lose the big V, i asked her???

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:37 AM on Jul. 2, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (21)
  • I like your idea of letting her tell her mom herself first. I'm sure her mom will appreciate the fact that she came to her herself rather than having to hear it from you. I know it's hard for a 13 year old girl to see but a cell phone is not a priority in life...she'll live!
    ReneeK3

    Answer by ReneeK3 at 9:45 AM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • If you tell her, there's a chance your niece will deny it and it will just cause a huge fuss. If she hasn't told your sister by then, you should drop hints, like asking if your niece has a boyfriend or saying you read an article about teen sex. Trust me, if the niece denies it, it will blow up horribly!
    Kodeekins

    Answer by Kodeekins at 9:50 AM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • well, there will be no denying it, i have text message corrospondence from her and her boyfriend in my phone...and just because of the relationship that my sister and i have...and our relationships with her daughter, my word will be trusted. at this point i am not worried about her believing me, i am concerned with my niece's life choices and innocence. this little girl is my heart, the reason i have always tried to do right, and i am scared for her...she crushed me yesterday. i asked her once, she denied it, i told her to swear to god and she couldnt do it. i asked her why she didnt come to me sooner, she said she was scared to tell me...and so the conversation ensued.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:57 AM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • I think your doing the right thing.That was the best choice you could have made by giving her the option to tell her mom on her own.She must really look up to you and trust you and value your opinion as her Aunt to be able to come to you and tell you something like that.She is way too young to be able to handle the responsibilty of having sex,emotionally and physically(meaning pregnancy and stds).Even though she seems like a well rounded girl,maybe something is going on inside of her that she feels she has no control over and this is a cry for help.Teenagers are such emotional creatures.I'm so glad I'm not 13 anymore (not that 32 is much better sometimes,lol).Good luck to you and your family.I hope she is able to talk to her mom about this and I hope she doesn't look at you like you betrayed her trust but helped her.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 10:10 AM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • Just remember,,she probably will not confide in you anymore. By doing this.


    If she doesn't tell her mom,,Just tell your sister.."You should put you daughter on birth control"


    If she asks why,,say "go ask your DD".

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 10:10 AM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • She came to you for support and trusted you enough to talk to you - and you broke that by making her tell her mom? Good for you, now when something serious happens she won't talk to anyone! What is wrong with you. Sex at 13 is normal, hell, I was younger than that! It's not about attention, it's about sex. Sex is fun, it feels good... IF she was just looking for attention she would have found a better way, I'm sure... It sounds to me as if she is just going through the normal process of growing up, came to you because she needed an adult when she realized she was in to deep, and you turned around and betrayed that by forcing her to come clean. Now, when it's pregnancy or drugs or whatever, she isn't going to come to anyone... How sad! She trusted you!!

    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 10:20 AM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • If you tell on her, she will never trust you again and that could be a problem if she has a big issue and needs adult help. It is not the best thing for a 13 year old to be having sex, but if she wants to do it she will find a way, no matter what her parents or you do or say. She needs to have a talk about responsibility, respect and protection against STD's and pregnancy.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:22 AM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • I was 14 when I first had sex I told my mom I was on BC she said are you having sex...I said yep she said ok thanks for letting me know and that was that!
    Willywonka06

    Answer by Willywonka06 at 10:46 AM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • I started young VERY YOUNG, she's a child you have to protect her from herself. That's why kids are kids and we are adults. I think this kid thinks she knows what she's doing but she doesn't, she's a kid, it's not like she's 16 or 17, plus how old is the boy?
    mom2the3rdpower

    Answer by mom2the3rdpower at 11:00 AM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • I would gently tell her how much you love her and how you want to always be there for her. How you wouldn't betray her confidence if you knew for sure that what she was doing wouldn't possibly ruin her entire life. But pregnant at 13 . . . that could ruin her entire life.

    Keep encouraging her to tell her mother and let her know you really don't want to be the one to break the news but if you have to you will. Let her know that the reason you will do it is because you love her dearly.

    We as adults can't always be liked by our children. We are a part of their lives so we can protect them and give them the best chance at a good life. She may be mad at your for a while but that is okay too. If she ends up mad at you just keep showing her you love her no matter what . . . I do believe that eventually your love for her will win out.

    I would tell.
    TessLouise

    Answer by TessLouise at 11:38 AM on Jul. 2, 2009

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