Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Why is it?

I have simple question for everyone. Why is it that just because a couple may not be married but they live together and have kids. Nobody (on here and in real world) sees it as a marriage or commited relastionship. Especialy when they have been together for years. And that when there are more then thier own kids. They can't count the other kids as theirs. (yes, the other party will NEVER will take over the mommy or daddy part) but the kids are in their lifes.


Asked by red_head_mommy2 at 11:35 AM on Jul. 2, 2009 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,456 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • It IS commitment.

    It is exclusive.

    What business of yours is it if a couple is married or not?

    Raising children together without a marriage does not make the parents less of a mommy and daddy.

    Some couples view marriage as a piece of paper, and don't need a "contract" to declare their love/devotion to each other.

    Some people view marriage as an immediate destination...others view it as an eventual destination.

    Some people delay marriage until other things are accomplished (until they are out of school, etc.) Or they delay marriage because of age/income (or lack of income)

    Some people want to be with a person for more than a year or two before marrying them.

    Some of the most committed couples I know are not married.

    Answer by Mousuke at 8:09 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • I see it as a committed relationship. I feel like some are using that as justification so that they can still go out and sleep with others and be"guilt free"

    Answer by amy31308 at 11:38 AM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • well In my family (we are hispanic) the say me and my boyfriend are married because we been 2gether for 6 years.

    Answer by effie777 at 11:40 AM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • My brother lives that way..
    he has 2 children and has lived with his girlfriend for over 5 years..

    I view it as just that ...they are boyfreind and girlfreind which I think sucks for my neice and nephew..
    My nephew (age 5) has mentioned numerous times...why does mommy have a different last name..
    Are they commited yes.....but to me there is NO real commitment....they are not married...

    Being married to me is the biggest committment anyone can make...

    Answer by Dannee at 11:42 AM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • If you are not legaly married you are not married. But if you are living together and have kids together you are in a committed relationship to me.

    Answer by louise2 at 11:42 AM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • If you aren't legally married you can't call it a marriage. Most people suspect you aren't legally married in order to qualify for government assistance you wouldn't qualify for otherwise. If it isn't true in your case why not go to the courthouse?

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:50 AM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • Actually a lot of states do consider someone who has been in a committed relationship and living together for a particular amount of time married. Its called common law. I know plenty of people who have been in both situations and I consider them to be a couple regardless of their legalities. As far as the kids go, if its on here, that may be just an etiquette thing, if the other parent is on here too. You don't want to step on toes, by claiming a child to be 'yours" if you are the stepmom. You may think of them that way, but their mom, may be offended. Some people just have to be "clear" about the relationships when explaining to others, its not really how they think in their hearts. Its to avoid misunderstandings that could occur later.

    Answer by Lesli at 11:55 AM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • Many states have even stopped recognizing these relationships as marriages. In the past they were considered Common Law marriages but most have stopped that. I have 3 adult children. None are married but they all have been with their SO for over a decade and have children. I personally gave up on thinking marriage was a good thing so I'm not a marriage advocate but I deal in realities. Good for you that you have a strong relationship but the fact remains that you both are still technically single ppl who have chosen to just live together. If someone else came along and one of you left it would be sad but the commitment would be shown to not be strong enough to endure. In a marriage there tends to be a respect (by society) for the marriage itself that many times a live in relationship doesn't get. For ex. "he's JUST your bf" is often said. The respect isn't there by many others. I'm all for whatever you think it right for you

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:59 AM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • Is it a committed relationship. My man and I have been together for 6 years and have a daughter. We are however finally getting married in October. My personal opinion is that if you have been together for YEARS I would be kind of hurt if my partner never asked to marry me. I think it's a sign of the ultimate commitment and something that I want to show my daughter that we are together, in love, and are a tight knit family. I also would want us to all have the same last name. My opinion though :)

    Answer by Lauren24 at 12:05 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • well, my husband and i lived together for 13 years before we got married. I always considered him my husband. we were not on any gov't help at any time. we are both professionals in the medical field. it started with we werent ready for marriage, we were really young, then dd came along and then we started talking about it, but didnt have enough for a wedding. then things always seem to come along like illness or a parents death or something else, but eventually we got to it and are now married. although i do agree that a marriage is a marriage and living together is a commited relationship but we always felt like husband and wife to eachother.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:07 PM on Jul. 2, 2009