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Should I just leave him?

I recently dont work but take care of our 2 kids (ages 3 & 6). I had major back surgery 2 years ago and im still recovering and in pain so It will be hard for me to work as my pain is debilitating for the rest of my life. My live(we currently live with my parents and pay $300 month rent) in boyfriend (father of my kids)of 9 years makes $82,000 year at his new job of 4 months. When I ask him for money for ANYTHING he always says we are broke. I needed money for diapers and foods the other day and he refused to leave me anything. Instead he brought home diapers and no food. He will only buy us food if I make a list and he thinks it is appropriate to buy. He will not give me money to just go to the store myself. I have figured out that he is a narsacist and only cares about him. We have no relationship anyways, I only stay with him for my kids. I dont want them to come from a broken home but im unhappy.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:07 PM on Jul. 2, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • If you live with your parents they must care for you to let you stay. Tell them. If they're no help then if you have a joint account take out money to get a studio apt. and leave so. Call displace homemakers through united way if no other help.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:13 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • Consult a lawyer about child support and also about whether you are eligible for disability or something since you are disabled.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 12:14 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • ps I've been in a similar situation but didn't live with my parents. If my parents didn't help me and emotionally support me I wouldn't stay with them and you should rethink things if they won't emotionally support you. Your kids are already living in a broken home. Coming from one is better than living in one.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:15 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • I am going to be honest, he sounds like a selfish controlling jerk. I know I would not stay with someone who was controlling and did not trust me with money. I suggest you talk to your parents, let them know the situation. Since you live with your parents, they need to be the ones to give him notice to move out. If he makes that much money a year he can certainly afford his own place! I would definately consult a lawyer about custody and child support. As for your work situation and your back- are you elligible for disability? It might be something to check in to.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 12:33 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • Your SO sounds like mine. Getting money is next to impossible. And then he always asks me what I spent it on, I feel like throwing the receipts in his face just to shut him up. Usually i just want to take the kids out to mickey d's or buy them a game at the resale store out here for a few bucks.

    He drives me nuts too, and I'm pretty much here because of the same reason you are. I was going to leave him two months ago, and he changed his tune, but he's back to being a big jerk. Narcissist is a good word. Whoever posted that.

    I have a "side work from home job" that gives me a little money but not enough to get out if i wanted to at any point and time.

    If you ever need someone to vent to, or know's exactly where your coming from add me please. I was going to add you, however you are anon LOL :) hang in there and talk to your parents about staying if you kick him to the curb. Check for pro-bono attorneys in your state too.
    CinderAmethyst

    Answer by CinderAmethyst at 12:59 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • I'd tell him to move out and file for divorce. Child support alone would be much more than you get now (nothing) as it goes by his income as well as you ability to provide for your children which is nothing so he'd have to pay a lot. Narcissists are a pain. Been there, tried to deal with that! Get out asap or so say all the books I've read by Drs who treat ppl like that.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:33 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • First, If you can't work, you need file for disability. Since you are not married, you alone could probably file for government assistance as well, since you're unemployed and disabled. Second, have you discussed this problems with your boyfriend? I agree, the guy sounds like a controlling jerk and with that much money, you too should be on your own. But have you told him how unhappy you are? If not, you need to. Sounds like you two need more communication and maybe counseling is an option. Third, regardless of your decision, you need to discuss it with your parents since you live with them. Any decision you make will effect them as well. For instance, are they willing to support you and your two children if the boyfriend leaves? Will they waive the $300 a month rental fee? Look into all your options.
    CoolGirlChris

    Answer by CoolGirlChris at 2:28 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • if your even asking yourself should i leave then yes you should leave...if he's that way and your unhappy then yes you should leave. like ive told plenty of women on here if your unhappy then leave and go find yourself happiness....and obviously your parents love you enough to let you stay there so ask them what they are willing to do to help you with this situation. and another thing i always say is dont stay with the father jus for the kids..your not doin your kids a favor if your unhappy...your not doin a favor by bein with a man you dont love..thats not setting a good example. and you have to do what makes you happy. no one else is gonna go out of their way to make sure your happy...and you deserve to be happy so you step up and do somethin about it....and after you take time to heal yourself you never know theres always a man out there that will love you for you and respect you and be in a equal relationship with you.
    kuuipo317

    Answer by kuuipo317 at 3:09 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • and also even if you parents say they cant help you any further then you will still be ok...ya know im a single mother 23 yrs old i cant work either...i have back problems still too...i have bones that pop out of place in my spine and my spine is curved and my hips are uneven and i have 4 pinched nerves and a herniated disc and 3 torn tissues and 2 buldging tissues and 3 pinched nerves in my left leg but im still living on my own in my own apartment and still able to take care of myself for the most part. so pls dont ever say you cant do it....all women are strong. you can do it. ill be praying for you
    kuuipo317

    Answer by kuuipo317 at 3:12 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • Leave if you are unhappy with him.
    IheartWyatt09

    Answer by IheartWyatt09 at 3:52 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

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