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When do you think a kid goes from the first to the only child in the eyes of others?

Right now my son is 14 months and people ask if he is my first implying there will be a second. Maybe there will be but I don't know.

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:27 PM on Jul. 2, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • one and only is 13....I still hear how I NEED another one. I have to keep reminding everyone that I was young and dumb and not married when I had him. I would like to be married if I have another one. I don't even have a boyfriend, so, I'm guessing that it won't ever happen. But, it doesn't stop everyone from asking.

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 12:30 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • Say in a relaxed voice it's not your business and walk away. If you must again communicate with someone who questions you say at the beginning if you ask then conversation is over or wait and see if asked again then say not your business and walk away or hang up immediately.

    I was 38 with my last baby and almost 27 when I married. No one ever questioned me to my face they wouldn't dare. Do not put yourself in a situation where you will be discussed in that manner except with partner and doctor.

    I know lots of parents with one child who are older children. They all are turning out great. Enjoy your baby mama. Its your business no one else's.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:35 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • If you only have one child,,it does not matter how old..I concider that child to be your ONLY child. Now when and if you ever get pregnant again he will be your FIRST. JMO

    Answer by louise2 at 12:42 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • People say all the time when I am going to have another and my daughter is 5. I just say she is it. I would like to have another 1 but dr.'s say it's not a good idea. We may adopt. But I have noticed that people don't seem to get when someone only has and wants 1 child. They think that kids have to have siblings. I think only kids are just fine, hey they don't have to fight for attention. The only thing that worries me is that if something was to happen to my husband and I she wouldn't have anyone. But I have 2 nieces who have promised me they will always be close woth my daughter, and hopefully by the time my husband and I do die she will be old enough to be married and have a family of her own. But people will always ask "is that your only one?"

    Answer by TeriMelisa at 1:12 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • I got this in reverse. My DD is 8 years older than my DS. After DS was born, I got the comments saying I must be done now since I had a girl & a boy. Amazing how complete strangers somehow believe your reproductive plans are their business. BTW, they were wrong--I had another DD 17 months after DS.

    Answer by funnyface1204 at 1:45 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • There's 6 1/2 years between my children--not planned, just happened that way. When my oldest was about 4 people started telling me she needed a sibling because all these horrible things were wrong with only children. I just said, "Thanks, I'll think about what you said." and changed the subject or walked away. It wasn't anybody's business but me, my husband and our doctor!

    Answer by pagan_mama at 1:45 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • My two boys are over 18 years apart. I considered my first son an only child until I became pregnant with my second. Only after a second child exists can your only child become a first, lol. You currently have an only child. If and when the time comes that you decide to have another and become pregnant, he will become your first. I was often asked if my older son was my first when he was growing up. I always responded "He is my only child," and left it at that.

    Answer by DeTora_Family at 2:15 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • Well, key word is "in the eyes of others". Its just perspective. I think that only children are a rarity and not as common as 2 or more and people just automatically assume that you might have more. I dont think its a judgment, but more of an observation.Also, even if he is your only child, hes still the first so its not untrue when you say..yes hes my first. He might ALSO be the only but only you know that. I have only one friend with an only child and thats what they are happy with. I dont know if there are reasons why she has only one and I really consider it none of my business. Her son is a delight and is one of my sons best playmates. She doesnt have to know wht its like to have 4 kids to be my friend. We connect in different areas as well. Just dont worry about what you look like to other people. You never know what the future holds and your son is very young. You might not want any now, but you could want more later.

    Answer by momofsaee at 3:06 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

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