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how do I trust my daughter again

She does not have her own car, so she uses mine, we also live 30 miles to the next town.
A month ago she said she was going to town to buy a dress...I told her that was fine and pick up some milk. She got back well after midnight and no milk, no explanation! I banned her from taking my car outside our zipcode. Well she got a job and had come home waaayy...tooo late for my taste so i told her from now on the car is out past midnight I will report it stolen.
Today she is at work and wants to go to town to get some personal items.on her facebook though she said, " I hope everything goes as planned", and her friends commented back telling her they can't wait.
do I let her have the car to go to town? maybe put a time limit on it?
or should I not let her take the car?
maybe take her shopping?
How do I trust her? she gets quite arrogant when it comes to herself and her life.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:59 PM on Jul. 2, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (12)
  • helping her won't help she is at that age were she thinks she is and adult and knows everything about life, I think you should set some rules and go by what you set, but don't treat her like she is out getting into trouble unless you know she is, but you do have to keep in mind she might not like your rules and move out and in that case you just have to let her figure out her thing cuz if you push to hard you might not see her again.
    I went through this situation with my parents, I moved out and didn't talk to them for a few months I didn't answer there phone calls or even called them back, I was trying to figure out my life and get some space from them, now my mom and I couldn't be closer we talk 3-4 times a day.
    I don't know if this makes sense but teenagers they will listen to there friends before there parents cuz they think parents are old and don't know better, but you live and learn. GOOD LUCK
    looovemybabies

    Answer by looovemybabies at 3:49 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • Sounds to me like she is trying to be an adult and feels claustrophobic around you.

    She probably hates being treated like a kid, even though you think of her as a kid.

    The arrogance is part of learning how to become an adult and defining oneself in the real world.

    She should be carpooling with friends if she is going to be out late.

    She is 23 and should not have a curfew, provided that she has a job and does her share around the house. Let her make her own mistakes.

    She's probably experimenting with the bar/party scene.
    Mousuke

    Answer by Mousuke at 7:52 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • If it's your car, no, you don't have to let her use it. She is an adult and wants to act and be treated like one maybe she should act like one and get her own vehicle if she wants to roam around as she pleases.
    KalebsMommee

    Answer by KalebsMommee at 12:43 AM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • If she wants to act like an adult, then you need to treat her like on. Adults have their own car, a job, and a place to stay. Whatever rules you have for your house need to be respected as long as she is living there. If she disagrees with you about your rules, she can leave.

    When you do decide to talk to her about it, make it sound like you are thrilled to death that she is growing up and ready for the responsiblity of all that life offers. Get out the help wanted section, the used car section, and go to town. Keep it positive, I mean really positive, even if she starts to get mad. The fact is that she is ready to be an adult (YAY!) or she's not... which means she is willing to respect your rules. Either way you win! :)
    squish

    Answer by squish at 2:33 AM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • Sorry I didn't realize she already had a job. I'd also add that you should let her know you are taking her to work because you have to do some shopping yourself. Personally I would do that every time, until she got the message. She'll probably be mad or whatever, but don't be upset, just tell her you are very excited for when she can afford her first car.
    squish

    Answer by squish at 2:36 AM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • Unfortunately, she is taking advantage of your generosity. Personally, I would drop her off at work and pick her up. 30 miles to town and back is a lot of gas.  Make her contribute to the gas and maintenance fund each wee from her pay.  Evidently, from F/B she does have friends. Do they drive? Can she catch a ride with them from time to time to give mom a break?  She definitely will have a temper tantrum if you cut back but too bad.  If you continue this way, you just enable her to use you.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:33 AM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • How old is she and is she out of high school? If she is over 18 and no longer in high school and she's working then it's time for her to get her own car so that she can have some much deserved freedom. She may be your child but she's not A child if she is over 18 and out of school. Give her some room tto breathe. If I were her I would be looking for a better paying job and getting my own apartment with a friend or on my own so that I could actually HAVE a life! Let her have some freedom!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:15 AM on Jul. 4, 2009

  • Ummmm...Let me put this into terms everyone can understand:DUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHH!!!! No you don't trust her with your car again! Tell her to get her own! If she's working there's TONS of buy here pay here places. Yes, they are over priced, but she'll have wheels and not be using yours and if she's out past midnight lock the doors and don't let her in, If she has a key, change the locks!
    Starfire73

    Answer by Starfire73 at 4:09 PM on Jul. 4, 2009

  • Ask for gas money. If she wants to use the car, she can help pay insurance and gas. Seems fair if she's going to take you for granted. When you use the car, make sure you have enough gas, but when you know she's going to use it, make sure she has enough to get to the nearest gas station to fill up.
    She is also trying to grow up. On the other hand the only way you can trust her is to try to. She wants her own life obviously, and not going to lie, it seems like you're trying to stop that in a scence. Tell her to be honest with you, and just tell you what she's doing. If she wants to go out with her friends, then let her, but tell her if she is, she's not to drink and drive, she is to pay for her own gas and be home at a reasonable hour.
    It seems like you need to relax a little bit too. She is growing into a young woman, and needs the room to do so.
    If letting your car out is such an issue, help her save for her own.
    DesignerMom0801

    Answer by DesignerMom0801 at 4:13 PM on Jul. 4, 2009

  • No- if she has a job she can start putting money away to BUY her own car. Put your foot down and tell her you are not obligated to provide her with transportation. You will be surprised at how fast she can AFFORD her own car once she has no other way to get around.
    weldingmom4

    Answer by weldingmom4 at 2:11 AM on Jul. 7, 2009

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