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How do i move past his infedelity?

my husband deployed last year. a few weeks into the deployment i found out he had cheated. we decided to work on our marriage through the deployment and worked out alot of things and got the space we both needed. He's just returned home a few weeks ago and I feel like im back at day one with the whole cheating issue. I cant let it go. I thought I had worked through it but with him home in my face I see that i havent. He is doing everything he is supposed to. I dont think he is cheating any longer. I just cant stop bringing it up and throwing it in this face.Anything can trigger me and I bring it up. For ex last night i read a post on cheating and here i go going crazy on him when all he was doing was sitting on the sofa playiny xbox. How do i let this go so I dont push him away and lose my marriage completely? We have started the love dare and we are set to begin counseling next month.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:05 PM on Jul. 2, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • thats a hard thing to go through - i dont think i would ever be able to forgive my dh - i admire you for trying though
    scooterpooter

    Answer by scooterpooter at 3:07 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • You can either let it go or you can't. Its up to you. I hope it all works out. Hes been through some rough stuff too and it sounds like you both just need to see what you saw in the beginning and go from there. Good luck.

    lostshel

    Answer by lostshel at 3:09 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • time. time is the only real healer.

    it took me 2 years to get over Hubby's cheating. he screwed up, so he had to deal with it & deal with me being insecure about it. we worked through it together. and I'm to the point where I can talk about it and think about it without completely FREAKING out or crying over it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:10 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • Try very hard to not bring it up anymore. If you continue to, it may mean the end of your marriage, and if you don't want that, you'll need to change. The counseling should help. I hope that it does.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 3:17 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • I think you guys just need to sit down and really hammer this thing out, why it happend in the first place and how it makes you feel and what your going through and how your heart is still breaking,
    you never know once you start talking you might find out things you didn't even know. Comunication is the key and if you don't comunicate how do you know what's the other person thinking. I'm sorry you have to go through this, I would have a very hard time Good luck and stay strong
    looovemybabies

    Answer by looovemybabies at 3:20 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • He was not here when he cheated, so you did not get a chance to see him face-to-face to talk this out and he did not get to see how hurt you were, or see how angry it made you. Now that he is home, your feelings are coming out. I think you should sit him down and tell him that you have honestly been working on getting past this. Tell him that you are making cheating comments cause you are hurt, and angry about what happened. If you still love him- tell him that too. Let him know you want to go to counseling, want to work thru this and most of all you want your marriage back.
    I wish you luck and hope all works out!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:25 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • Awesome! You've both agreed to go to counseling and that's the first step. As for getting over it, that can take a long time. Hang there. Your marriage can be saved and you can get through it. :)
    CoolGirlChris

    Answer by CoolGirlChris at 3:40 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • You have to learn to forgive or else you'll carry this around with you and the marriage will eventually end. You have to learn to trust the man again and if you can't see that happening right, now, then maybe you guys need to seek professional help.
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 5:41 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

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