Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Who to invite- i need your opinion

My brother is having a "small" wedding. So he's only inviting immediate family. My mother on the other hand wants him to invite her cousins, who we haven't seen in who knows how long. (seriously, I don't remember when I last saw them- thats how long its been) My brother does not want to invite them because he #1- doesn't know them, #2- he wants a small wedding. My mom says its wedding protocol???? What do you gals think?? Keep in mind that I invited one of her cousins to my wedding, they didn't RSVP and showed up with 8 other people. HELP- somehow I'm caught in the middle of this.

Answer Question

Asked by casd at 3:27 PM on Jul. 2, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • Politely tell mommy that you are thankful for her help and input, but it is Brothers wedding and we should respect his wishes.

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 3:30 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • If your brother dosnt want to invite them he dosnt have to. There is no protocal to who you have to invite. I wouldnt worry about it. Its not your moms wedding so dont let her try to run the show. Alot of moms tend to do that. The somehow try to make that day all about them.

    Answer by Shelii at 3:30 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • No, not the cousins. They are not immediate family. Immediate family is parents, brothers and sisters, and their children. Exceptions can be made for a loved uncle, for example, but the cousins don't sound like they fit in to the exception idea.

    Answer by Bmat at 3:31 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • You're caught up in it cause you're allowing yourself to be. Tell ma how'd she like son telling her how to live. Bet that wouldn't go over well. Then go prep yourself for a fun day at the wedding. Enjoy!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:32 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • A person's wedding should be their decision. The bride and groom get to decide everything, including who to invite. However he needs to consider what will happen between him and his mom if he goes against her wishes, and be prepared to deal with that. I think you need to stay out of it also. My wedding was not at all what I wanted because my mother got involve, and ten years later SHE is angry with ME. And I let her invite everyone she wanted.

    Answer by Allie428 at 3:32 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • Being stuck in the middle is the pitts,how'd you get yourself there,lol. Your brother should politley and FIRMLY tell mom "NO".It's his wedding.Small and immediatle family (in my opinion) include moms,dads,grandparents,brothers and sisters of the groom and of the bride a nd thats it.Maybe an aunt or uncle thats been around for forever and always been CURRENTLY involved in life of bride or groom. Maybe a month after the wedding they can do a family reuinion and invite cousins.

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 3:35 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • Your brother and bride-to-be should mom that it is THEIR wedding and they are free to invite whoever/whomever (??) they wish. They need to tell her that to them 'immediate family' does not mean the parents cousins (especially since he is not close to them or know them) and they will NOT be on the guest list. If she does not like it too bad.

    Answer by MizLee at 3:41 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • I got in the middle because my mom was mad at my brother for this and I said agreed with him. So since my brother wasn't there to bitch at, guess who got bitched at. I keep telling them that I have nothing to do with this.... But for some reason she thinks I do.
    Anyways I thank you all for your opinions!! I asked so I could share this with my brother. I guess he just needsto be reassured that he's in the right. You know, it can be obvious to me, but to someone else it might look completely different. Thanks again!!! Have a good holiday.

    Answer by casd at 3:57 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • I think it is YOUR BROTHER'S decision as to who he wants at the wedding or not. There is no protocal to any event as to who you invite and who you don't. The only protocal I know of is that you invivte who you want, no one more and no one less. If he doesn't want the cousins there than he shouldn't invite them. If anyone gets upset, tell them it was a small wedding with immediate family only...that's not a lie either.

    Answer by Ash9724 at 3:58 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • his wedding. HIS rules. Tell your mom Emily Post is dead and long gone are the days of perfect etiquette


    Answer by admckenzie at 4:31 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.