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Do you think we should give it up?

My Dh and I will be celebrating our 9th wedding anniversay tomorrow, well we might be. The reason why I say that is because I think it might be over for us. See about 4 years ago I screwed up and cheated on him. He says he has forgiven me, but at times he says it still is killing him. It only happened one time, but it was with someone we both knew. I haven't spoken to that person or anything since then, but my Dh can't seem to let it go. We haven't ever had any counseling, I know we need it, but with our work schedules it makes it really hard. So I am asking you ladies what do you think? Should we end it or should we try to work it out. Oh and we have 3 kids ages 9, 7 and 6.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:56 PM on Jul. 2, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • I would try to work it out. he seems willing, you are going to have to do the work and make it up to him. I heard one time that you have to listen to the hurt you caused and show that you know how awful you made him feel, he knows that if you do it again u would do it it knowing the pain you would cause. I hope that made sense, but really you have to give him all the time he needs to get over it. I cant imagine how hard it would be to be intimate with someone you love and imagine them being with someone else. it would be hard, but it can be done. Dont give up...celebrate your aniversary and tell him you are looking forward to 50 more with him! Dont hold back..give him your word and stick with it, trust is hard to earn back, but worth the effort!
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 5:02 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • He's hurt and rightfully so...making the time to mend the heartbreak he's feeling is worth it.

    It will take time for him to trust you again so take things slowly. What you did cannot be fixed over night or pushed under the rug. You have to face the problem so your husband can begin to feel secure in the marriage again.
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 5:16 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • Ok, this is a hard one for me....I understand where you're coming from but yet, I also understand where he is coming from. My hubby cheated before we were married with someone I did not know. We split up for awhile, but ended up back together. First of all, let me say that I'm sure it is still killing your husband. If he loves you at all, I imagine he still thinks about it all the time. It's been 14 years since it happened to me, and I still hurt over it sometimes. Those of us who have been cheated on will always feel deep down that we were just not "enough." Why else would you cheat? I know I always live with the fear of it happening again, as I'm sure your husband does. I always wonder where he's at, who he's with, why he's late, etc. etc. etc.
    Infidelity is just not something that the one who is betrayed can just "get over." It hurts......and it is an ongoing process. Unfortunately, we are all human....yes, we can
    lighthousemom3

    Answer by lighthousemom3 at 5:21 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • forgive those who hurt us, but we're not able to just forget.
    Staying together is a choice that only you can make. I know you must get tired of defending your actions, or trying to prove to him that you'll never do it again, but put yourself in HIS shoes. How would you feel if the tables were turned? If HE cheated on you, would you be able to just move on and pretend like it wasn't killing you inside?
    i think you should sit down with him and rehash the whole thing. Let him tell you without fear of losing you how he truly feels about it. If he wants to yell, scream, cry, whatever....he has that right.
    Let him get out all the hurt all the pain, and all the memories that he has been forced to live with for so long. Don't make excuses for what happened. Acknowledge your role in it, and genuinely ask his forgiveness again. Only then, can you both start to heal. But no matter what , he will always carry a bit of that pain with
    lighthousemom3

    Answer by lighthousemom3 at 5:25 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • him. If you're not willing to be the wife that he wants / needs, then maybe you should end it now. Please understand that I'm not bashing you here. I just know what he is feeling....it's a hurt like no other.....
    lighthousemom3

    Answer by lighthousemom3 at 5:26 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • Okay here is something I didn't say before, He did cheat on me,but he, in his words didn't go all the way, the girl rubbed herself against him until he got his jollies( for a lack of a nicer word) I"m trying to not be too graphic here. So I do know how he feels, but it just seem like he like to throw it in my face whenever we are fighting what I did, but if I mention what he did, he gets even more upset. I have done my best to forgive him  for what he did, I know what I did was worse. At the time I did what I did, he had already done his deed, but never even told me. It wasn't until I came clean that he finally came clean as well.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:40 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • You hurt him,its just like when a child fall and you say,you be alright you are a big boy, that sounds good,but,the hurt is still there,also,it sounds like you may still be feeling guily,I just don't understand,why would you risk your marriage for 10 minutes of pleassure,it's not worth it.I hear women say all the time,he cheated first,so ,because he cheated,you go take your clothes off,and let another man jump up and down and disrespect you. I know what I'm saying sounds hard,but too many women are losing their own self-respect and own self worth to cheating. Go to counseling,
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:22 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • Set the kids aside for a moment and think about this...DO YOU LOVE HIM? Ask, him if he loves you. If both answers are YES, then do what you've got to do. Work shouldn't be the one thing holding you back from being happy and TOGETHER!
    luvbnmomnwife

    Answer by luvbnmomnwife at 8:45 AM on Jul. 3, 2009

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