Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Is it ok to ask your SO or fiance to take a fertility test before you marry them?

I heard about a story in IL where a man asked his fiance to take a fertility test before they got married. She did but then after thinking about it was offended because what if she could not have kids?? Then would he have left her?? So she broke off the relationship because she saw a side of her fiance that she did not like. So I was wondering if anyone else think's that's ok or would be ok with that??

Answer Question

Asked by jfblaine at 11:22 PM on Jul. 2, 2009 in Pregnancy

Level 1 (1 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • i think i would have been upset and broken off an engagement as well. b/c i'd have to question what if the test came back saying i couldn't have kids, would he say he didn't want to marry me?

    Answer by vabchmommy at 11:24 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • It is up to the person- I would be offended and refuse- u can adopt u know- u marry for love not breeding.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:24 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • That is a weird request. I would be weirded out by it. When you marry someone you should love them no matter what, even if they're infertile. IMO

    Answer by cdecker83 at 11:25 PM on Jul. 2, 2009

  • no way would i take a fertility test at his request! Obviously the guy didn't love her, or at least not in my opinion.

    Answer by rhianna1708 at 12:04 AM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • Well, I just found out that my BF might not be able to conceive. I waited 4 yrs. to start a family, finding out that he cant has made me upset beyond believe. I even told him that If I had known this, I wouldnt had stayed with him. True story. You never know until it happens to you.

    Answer by Yve538 at 12:05 AM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • I think its very selfish to make someone do something like this. my sister cannot have kids and her husband knew that from the beginning and he wants kids. But they're looking into other ways. You should be with someone because you love them despite anything that might be wrong with them. There are TONS of babies and kids that need homes so there is always an option to get a child. Just because it is not "yours" does not mean you will not love it any less.

    Answer by jedwards2009 at 2:18 AM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • I think if someone is unable or unwilling to have kids, they should tell the person they are with before it gets to that point, but I don't think asking someone to take a fertility test is the right way to make sure things are good. I mean, I've had my tubes tied, and my boyfriend knows this, so he knows if we get married, that my kids are it; he'll never have children of his own if he's with me. I felt he had the right to know that, to make an informed decision. But, if more kids were an option, I would never dream of asking him to take a fertility test before I marry him, and I would be very bothered if he asked me to. Fertility is something you take your chances with; just b/c someone is fertile doesn't mean the two people together can conceive.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 12:54 PM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • Yea I just thought it was an odd request. I already have 2 kids but my fiance does not have any of his own. WE have talked about it & I would love to have another kid & raise a child with my hubby. But it seems that he may not be able to have any. Dosen't make me love him any less. And hey we can still try right. LOL. Even if we don't have any & my 2 aren't really his. He still loves them with all his heart & would be satisfied with raising them as his own.

    Answer by jfblaine at 1:19 PM on Jul. 3, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.