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I'd like opinions from other mothers who became pregnant after adopting children

I'm an adoptive mother of twins and nearly 13 weeks pregnant with twins. Brynn and Noel are almost 4 years old and beginning to understand that Mommy has babies in her tummy. Now I believe they're confused because I've been explaining that they were in another mommy's tummy, but i'm their mommy. I know they're confused. How can I walk them through this without upsetting or confusing them?


Asked by MommyAddie at 1:59 AM on Jul. 3, 2009 in Adoption

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Answers (10)
  • There are many age appropriate books at the library to read to them during bedtime. Cuddle up and read. Tell them their story. Each person has their own story. Then have them tell their siblings' baby story after awhile. They won't get it, not now. They are four. Slowly they will when they begin to understand biology. My friend's four year old could tell you he was adopted at age two. He could tell you he looked like his birthmother and he even had contact with her often. But it wasn't until he was five that suddenly things just clicked one day. It was going to a pet store and seeing the puppies being separated from their mother and going to a new home that he got it. He also had some grief issues after that. He was sad that his birthmom missed him, that he was taken like the puppies, and he wondered what his life would have been like. In other words, normal. Don't stress, do share their story with them.

    Answer by frogdawg at 6:37 AM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • I've never been in this situation. But at that age I wouldnt be trying to tell them they were in another mommys tummy.
    Just simply say you are they're mommy. but they have another birth mother...
    I dont feel they NEED to understand NOW, when they get a little older.. things will be more understanding

    Answer by queenamy at 2:01 AM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • I wouldn't stress trying to explain to them at this age that they were in another mommy's tummy, they are just too young to understand and will probably forget anyway. Wait till they get a little older and explain it to them, thats what I did with my almost 6yo - he was 3 when I got him and I was pregnant. He didn't ask me till recently about if he was in my belly like his baby brother was.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:06 AM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • I've never been in this situation but my best friend has and she told her Daughter when she was 6 that adoption is when a child grows in her mommy’s heart instead of her tummy. You could maybe say something like that. It's just a hard one since their still so young.

    Answer by mommymine3 at 2:07 AM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • I've never been in this sitation either. My daughter is 4 and she knows I didn't give birth to her. So, if I were to have a child of my own I think she'd understand. I would just let it go for a while; until they are a little more mature and able to understand better. I'm not expert or anything that's just what think I'd do.

    By the way Congrats!! :)good


    Answer by HannahLee87 at 2:10 AM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • We adopted our daughter Lilly from China 2 years ago. After she had been home 8 months, we got the shock of our lives when we found out that I was pregnant. Lilly turned 3 shortly after her baby sister arrived.
    Lilly knows that she is adopted and is from China. She also knows that she has another mother in China. She began asking questions while I was pregnant and in the hospital last summer, so dh began explaining things to her.
    We talk about her adoption constantly with her and she really gets it for a 3.5 yr old.
    We told Lilly that she is very special because she has 2 mothers.. 1 in China that had her in her tummy and myself. She knows that Karli only has mommy and her cousins only have 1 mommy as well.
    If they are having a had time understanding the concept,which is normal at our kids' ages... I agree with frogdawg about getting a book for them.

    Answer by mcginnisc at 8:09 AM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • I wish I had some answers for you, but our situation was a bit different and I'm sure questions will come up later. I was 3 months pregnant when our adopted daughter came to live with us, so my girls are only 6 months apart. So obviously Riah didn't have any questions at 6 months old when Mara was born, but I know later there will be questions. I just pray that God will put the right words in my heart to share with her and her sister.

    Answer by mommytoadam at 10:51 AM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • There are a lot of adoption books geared towards adopted children to help explain in a gentle way. I suggest going to a book store and seeing what is available.

    Answer by Ilovemydoggies at 1:28 PM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • all I'd to say is TWO SETS OF TWINS! GOOD LORD!

    bow down


    Answer by onethentwins at 1:56 PM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • First off, congratulations!! I have not gotten pregnant since adopting, but I have begun talking about the issue with my almost 5 y.o. We told her that everyone has a birthmother, and for most people the birthmother and mommy are the same person, but people who were adopted have a birthmother and a mommy. She knows she grew in "R's" tummy, even though she's asked several times "was that when I was in your tummy, mommy?" When she asks that, I remind her that she grew in her bmom's tummy, then we look at a picture of "R" pg with her. We also look at her sonogram pic, and I tell her that was her first baby picture. At this age, I think she is beginning to understand.

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 2:58 PM on Jul. 3, 2009