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Sleeping with someone else

Ok. So my SO and I just had our fisrt baby in January and we have togther for 3 years. Last nigt he told me he wanted to sleep with someone, he said he still loves me and he doesnt know why, but he has always wanted to sleep with her (she is married and has slept with other men) My SO has only ever been with me. What do you think? He said he doesnt know if he wants to be with me and he should know... Will this help him know? I really need help....

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:38 AM on Jul. 3, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • Sorry, that is completely unacceptable! And this is one of the reasons so many young relationships and marriages end in divorce/separation/break ups.

    I would tell him in no uncertain terms..."NO!" and if he does CHEAT on you, tell him he can pack his bags, and you'll be filing for child support for the next 18 years, as he will have broken the trust between you, and no relationship can survive on a weak foundation.

    Sounds like he has stayed with you because of the baby and would really rather be sowing his wild oats, so you may end up losing him anyway, but this is a major reason why young women shouldn't be having babies without first establishing a solid committment (marriage) first.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:47 AM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • Plese tell us you're not considering letting him!!! Don't be crazy girl.It's you or other women,not both!
    TMJ121099

    Answer by TMJ121099 at 7:51 AM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • I think he's already broken trust. Alright it's one thing to lust for someone but to TELL you, or even ASK you if he could sleep with someone else, makes you start to wonder if he already has or if he will no matter what your answer will be. This is extremely heart breaking for me. I would be crushed if my SO came to me with such a proposal. I would like to think my SO has better sense than that. GL hun, Please tell him no. Your relationship would never recover.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:01 AM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • Sounds like he's already emotionally cheated. Just thinking about it would be enough for me to head for the hills. But, then again he loves you enough to be honest. YOU think about what you want out of life then speak up!
    luvbnmomnwife

    Answer by luvbnmomnwife at 8:38 AM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • If he doesn't know that he wants to be with you, why did he have a child with you? It sounds like he is bored and wants to play around a bit. I would tell him that he could do whatever he wanted, but if he chose to test the waters somewhere else, he need not think he would be coming back to me. If you don't respect yourself, you cannot expect him to respect you. You deserve a man who knows he wants you and only you.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:59 AM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • Don't let him do that to you. If he wants to sleep around, then it's time for him to go. But he doesn't need to drag you along to suffer. You will never feel the same about yourself or your relationship if you allow that. I'm sorry he even said it to you. I'm sure you were crushed. No one deserves to be in a relationship where they are made to feel inferior. I've been there. I hated it.
    jill.a.k.a.mom

    Answer by jill.a.k.a.mom at 10:04 AM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • My SO does that all the time and I think it's honest and open. Mine would do it even if I said "no" so I appreciate that he's honest with me. Of course, I wish he wouldn't but so far he's always found others are not better so he gets it out of his system and comes back. Every time he walks back in the door I realize he thinks I'm the queen bee. Since we're not married, he's under no obligation to be with me. If he'd rather be with her then he wouldn't come back (that's our rule...don't come back if you find you want to be with someone else long term) If you can accept that it's just sex then you'll be ok. You can't allow emotions to come in. It's like letting someone play with your favorite toy. Sometimes you get anxious until they give it back and go home! You could always say you want to watch or be with them so you can make sure all is well.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:10 AM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • p.s. remind him that oral sex is NOT safe sex and that he needs to wear a condom during intercourse. If you let him go it's one thing but you still have to set some boundaries! lol oh yeah and he cannot do it in your home. That causes too much emotional confusion.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:12 AM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • Just a thing to think about, have him think about.

    Anytime someone sleeps with either someone in another relationship or outside of theirs. They are putting everyone at risk of not just STD's. But violence. How many times have you heard on the news "Love Triangle" or "Crime of Passion"? You never know, her Dh might not know about her behavior and find out about your DH sleeping with her and assaulting him or worse. Or if she's someone he barely knows outside of a certain context (like work) maybe she's obsessive. Stranger things have happened. I know others will give you all the other 1000 reasons that its wrong. But this bears thinking about too.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:33 AM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • I could never let my man do that and I would be so hurt that he even thought it thru enought to ask. That kind of relationship wouldnt be for me. I think sex is meant to be shared btw 2 people in love, not just something you go and experiment with and do whatever feels good no matter who it hurts. maybe old school values, but I would have to walk away from that situation.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:35 AM on Jul. 3, 2009

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