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How do you handle (dd, almost 15) teen rudeness directed toward you? It is definitely the direct result of communication w/a boy we don't like.

She isn't allowed to date him anymore, but is infatuated w/him. He tells her what to think about us (we are too strict and are ---holes) , what to read about politics, what videos and games to play (rude and violent-no go here), that he hates people they're all stupid, wants to be left alone, never compliments her on her talents (music, academics) but tells her he'll never leave her. He emphasizes that he doesn't fit in either and I know it bothers her that she's not more popular. She is, deep down, a beautiful person, smart, dedicated, and wants to do the right thing, but he is feeding into her insecurities! We have noticed negativity and rudeness lately which has spilled over to affect everyone in the family, and we just took away the cell and computer. She has no communication right now w/the boy, day 3. We are trying to keep her busy. She does have 3 best girlfriends, who we like very much! Any constructive suggestions?

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Asked by dflygirl7 at 9:05 AM on Jul. 3, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 12 (751 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • Humm - when my DD got a badboy bf at age 13, I considered all options and opted not to prohibit the relationship. In my case, he wasn't rude (he cuts class, and stuff like that) and I don't think he was so controlling, but she was prone to bad behaviour and we were afraid they'd feed each other's bad ideas.

    Like so many teen relationships, it fizzled out eventually, and I am so glad I didn't go to war with her on it. We played along, but I tried to (subtlely) keep her busy and keep the lines of communication open so I could continue giving her my (good) ideas LOL!

    You may want to rething your approach or she may dig her heels in. Lot of peole told me to welcome the badboy with open arms - I might have but there was no way my husband would, so we just kept a safe distance but some people say shed him with your love and all, have him over for dinner... you'll take all the fun out of it for her!

    Answer by PhillyinFrance at 9:27 AM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • Invite him over for dinner. Treat him like a long lost son and welcome him with open arms. Your daughter may be horrified by your new found affection for her "BF" and decide that he is not for her, or you may discover something to like about him.

    Answer by rkoloms at 9:40 AM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • Hmmm....both PhillyInFrance and rkoloms make logical sense. But it is tough because you want so much better and different for your dd. You especially want to protect her so when you see her heading down a troublesome path your response is to protect.

    I did the opposite of their advice. Been there done that when it comes to what you are doing. I must say it had negative affects, didn't make her want to stay away from him and pushed her more toward him. When they said teens will find a way....believe it! It's tough to accept, but I'm beginning to think some battles are better off fighting the unconventional way rather than the conventional. Think of it like this, nature will take it's course if you let it, but try to control it and you might not like the outcome.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:15 AM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • Any family members she can go and visit over summer break?

    I have to agree with the other ladies, saying no to him will probably back fire and make him more desireable. But maybe bringing him into the home under supervision can help you guys keep an eye on things.

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 11:25 AM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • Update: We had a heart to heart talk about how she is being negatively influenced by this boy and why this relationship bothers us so much. She was very honest with me and admitted that she wants to help him. I stressed that we will (and have) come down hard on her when she shows bad behavior, rudeness, negativity resulting from his influence and that she will need to keep making good choices regarding school, girlfriends, and activities that enhance her as a person. We have to keep talking about how this relationship is too immature and not healthy and how it's not her job to help him, especially since he doesn't seem to want to change.

    Answer by dflygirl7 at 8:15 AM on Jul. 4, 2009

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