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differences in beliefs

I don't take my daughter to any kind of church, and prefer to keep religion out of it until she is ready to make up her own mind, but my mother will bring her to church groups. i'm really afraid they will traumatize her with the fear of hell like they did to me as a child. how do i get her to back off the religious talk without offending? this also applies to other family members (my grandmother, aunts, etc)

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bellamomma328

Asked by bellamomma328 at 10:20 AM on Jul. 3, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

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Answers (16)
  • Say what you just said, Let them know you don't feel that scaring a child with the fear of Hell is the best way to allow them to grow in to their own relationship with God. You want her to love God and religion because she wants to, not because she is afraid not to...

    And if they don't like it, play the mom card. You are her mother, you make the rules... That's what I had to do.
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 10:24 AM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • You MUST take responsibility for your daughter. I don't mean that in a bad way whatsoever, but I totally know where you're coming from. We're a non-religious family, but my mom is extremely Christian. I've gone round and round and round with my mom about what religion my daughter will be. My mom takes offense to the fact that I DO NOT want ANY Christian indoctrination to go on with my daughter. She thinks I'm making fun of her beliefs or something, or that I don't take it seriously.

    I totally agree with Sabrina. Play the Mean Mommy card if you have to. Our moms will just have to deal with it. Don't leave your daughter alone with your mom if she refuses to listen. This is YOUR time, and YOUR child, she already had her chance.
    caitxrawks

    Answer by caitxrawks at 10:29 AM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • simply tell her you think your daughter is too young at this point.. When she is older, YOU will go over religions, including that of your mothers with her, so she has an understanding of religions, and can make a choose to study what she wishes. If she chooses your mom's religion, you'll be more than willing to allow your mother to talk about it with her (supervised of course, so you know what is being said). But in the end, it's you and your daughters choose, and you don't want to scare or overwhelm her at this point.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 10:34 AM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • I feel ya, my side of the family is Catholic and my husband's side is Muslim - while we are both Atheists. It makes for a hell of a time during special occasions! LOL To answer your question, I politely tell them that I appreciate their good intent, but I do not believe in the same things they do, and to please respect that she is my child and will be raised the way I want her to be.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:31 AM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • The Bible says to instill the Word of God into our children and they will return to God when they're accountable. Sitting around and waiting for you child to make a decision about religion is NOT the way to do it. There is only one God, so why not go ahead and give her a head start by teaching her about the only one, true LIVING God, Jehovah!
    srhmldndo

    Answer by srhmldndo at 11:50 AM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • The Bible says to instill the Word of God into our children and they will return to God when they're accountable. Sitting around and waiting for you child to make a decision about religion is NOT the way to do it. There is only one God, so why not go ahead and give her a head start by teaching her about the only one, true LIVING God, Jehovah!

    What percentage of drug using, promiscuous, severely depressed or suicidal teens were raised by parents who thought the same way?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:21 PM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • What percentage of drug using, promiscuous, severely depressed or suicidal teens were raised by parents who thought the same way?
    -------------------
    Correlational at best. There is no rule "if you don't teach your kid religion, you will have a better chance of them not being Depressed or suicidal." If anything, my faith in God saved my from killing myself as a teenager.

    I understand srhmldndo's point. If you believe in something and you TRULY feel that it is the BEST and the RIGHT way, why wouldn't you share that with your kids? It doens't mean you're forcing them to follow it.

    I don't think that was the OP's point though. I am friends with people of differing branches of Christianity and I would REALLY be pissed if one of them told my kids something that I didn't think was true. I'm all for learning about other beliefs but to teach my kids "this is the right way" without asking me would make me upset.
    NovemberLove

    Answer by NovemberLove at 12:57 PM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • Instead of saying "she's too young for this or that" which your mom will probably disagree with you on, you should just tell her that you're not sure how similar your beliefs are any more and it is important to you to teach your OWN daughter your personal convictions. When you feel that it would be appropriate to enter other beliefs into what you're teaching your daughter, you'll let her know. In the meantime, please refrain from taking her to places discussing these topics: (let her know what you're uncomfortable with). Tell her by helping you this way, she'll be an influential part of your daughter's spirituality which is a journey that YOU and your daughter need to take together.

    If she can't do that, you'll have to limit visits. Your child, your rules. This will probably be an issue for me some day but I'll teach my kids to question everything and to discuss what others tell them with me and we'll look it up.
    NovemberLove

    Answer by NovemberLove at 1:01 PM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • My dh and I are not religious. My dd went to church every Sunday with her nana and it did not hurt her at all. Now she is 22 and not at all religious.
    writeon

    Answer by writeon at 2:06 PM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • Just say no. You don't need a reason. Reasons usually don't matter with very religious people anyway. My mom asks when I'm taking Ivy to church or to be baptized. I'm Atheist. I hate christianity -not christians. Why on earth would I take her to christian institutions then??? Just tell them you aren't RAISING her to be religious, but you'll discuss it when she's old enough to make an informed decision. You don't have real faith if you're just taught to believe something anyway.
    jus1jess

    Answer by jus1jess at 2:09 PM on Jul. 3, 2009

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