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single mothers....

Sometimes I feel like a bad mother first of all my child is 2 months and fatherless thats one thing thats been on my mind I know that many women out there are single and their child is fatherless and doing just great, but I feel bad because one day I will have to tell my child how me and "daddy" met and why "daddy" doesnt want to be in his life. When I look at my son I say that how could someone with a heart do this to a innocent baby, then I know the lord will deal with him and that I cannot do anything about it and I am not going to force anyone to be with me or my child if his heart isnt there.He is nothing but a sperm donor and I have realized that and just moved on AND CHILD SUPPORT ISNT THERE BECAUSE HE DOES UNDER THE TABLE WORK . But for the ladies that have somelike situations please let me how do or how have you dealt with it? How did you prepare to tell your child about daddy not wanting to be there

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:17 PM on Jul. 3, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

Answers (8)
  • I don't know how to tell them that, but I will tell you just because he works under the table doesn't mean he won't pay child support. Take him to court, I'm telling you know his boss will put his ass on the books right away or the judge will order him to get a job. This happened to one of my friends.
    Jillybeans24

    Answer by Jillybeans24 at 12:21 PM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • Have never been there, but my husband has and he has always said his mother did the best she could and that was enough for him. You are not a "bad Mom" but you are a Mom with lots of struggles ahead, stay focused on your #1 job, be a good Mom and try (I know its hard!) to make good choices in terms of relationships for here on out. You just want to be able to say, I did the best I could- I really did put your first!
    teampalmer4

    Answer by teampalmer4 at 12:21 PM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • i told my son the truth! ... u can msg me if u like , i dont want to put all this out there lol
    tha-hawt-mommie

    Answer by tha-hawt-mommie at 12:25 PM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • First of all you have to deal with your guilt so you can accept your circumstances. my dd and I have a very full life, but it does come up about her dad. shenows her dad, but he's not around. Msg me if you want to talk more. I cried so many times because I make sure my dd has great med. care, great education, nutrition,books...you name it I take care of it, but the one thing i couldnt provide that i felt was necessary was a father. It grieved me bad so I feel your pain. I finally just had to realize that this is her life..i have to help her deal with it however i can, but i cant change i so i might as well get busy. I take her fishing and hold up her bike andquit worrying that a dad should be doing it. Some day we will have a thousand memories together and she is my world. When she is sad I let her feel it and we talk about disappointment and deal with each emotion as they come.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 12:25 PM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • I was once a single mother, and a teenage mother to boot. My oldest DD's father was very abusive mentaly and physically. She was 1 1/2 when I finally got the courage to leave. I did the best I could with raising her, and did it on my own with no government help or hekp from family. Being I was a 15yr old single parent I did finish school and got a college degree, I had to work hard for it but did accomplish my goals. When she was old enough to ask questions and want to know about her father I told her the truth and told her if and when she wants to meet or contact him I would support her and help. Even though he put me through more than any teenager, or person in genarl deserves, I feel she has the right to make up her own mind and all I can do is be there for her. I am happliy married now to a wonderful man who treats her as his own. She is 15 now and has met her father once, but doesn;t want anything to do with him.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:35 PM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • Same thing here. I have two kids & daddy just decided he didn't want a family anymore. Me & him haven't been together for 1 & 1/2 years...Our son just turned 2 & our daughter will be 4 soon. I'm lucky if I get any $ from him at all. He's supposed to see them every other weekend. The kids are lucky if they see him once a month for a day or two. It hurts to see my daughter cry about it, 'cause she's older & understand's more, and she was there when he was around. I tell her straight forward that, daddy would rather do this, that or the other thing, then be with you & your brother. I tell her I know it hurts I know it makes you sad but me & your brother love you very much & we will always be there for you. I make sure she knows daddy may have left but mommy never will. You can always message me if you have any other questions 'cause it can be upsetting talking to kids about this.
    jfblaine

    Answer by jfblaine at 12:56 PM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • That guy isn't his "daddy". He's a no one. Make him understand that it's not nature, but nurture. He has a mother to nurture him. The guy who gave you the sperm to make him really doesn't matter. It's not a big deal unless you make it. Just keep it casual and answer any questions he has. Try not to let his curiosity build, but don't avoid it. Hubby and I will be open about the fact that he's not DD's biological father, but he is her daddy. So nothing else matters.
    jus1jess

    Answer by jus1jess at 1:42 PM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • YOU JUST B THE BEST MOM YOU CAN ! AND YOU CAN CROSS THAT BRIDGE WHEN YOU GET THERE MEANING DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT NOW . MY KIDS KNOW THEIR DAD IS A LOOSER AND THEY KNOW WHY WE ARE NOT TOGETHER . I DID NOT CHOOSE TO BE SINGLE BUT HE GOT INTO DRUGS (I NEVER SAW THAT COMING) AND ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE ! BUT I AM INDEPENDENT AND EVENTHO I STRUGGLE AND HAVE A HARD TIME KEEPING UP WITH EVERYTHING . I AM FINALLY HAPPY AND SUCCCESSFUL
    SGMAMI

    Answer by SGMAMI at 1:20 PM on Jul. 6, 2009

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