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How to deal with workaholic DH?!!??

My husband works for a salary paying job. That means no matter how long he works...he doesn't make anymore. He is usually leaves the office hours after his co-workers have gone home. I am happy he found a job he loves...but what about his family? Together we have an autistic toddler. It would be nice for our son to see him during the weekdays. But, he never does. DH leaves before our son wakes up and doesn't come home until long after his bed time. Every time I bring it up he says I should be happy he likes his job. What can I do??!!

Desperate to talk to an adult

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:21 PM on Jul. 3, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Same here. My dh is a chef and has always worked long hours on salary. I once accused him of wanting to be away. When my dd was a teen, he was never home and I really struggled with her. Now that she is older he says he is sorry he wasn't there for her. Now he tries to get his 2 days off, not always in a row, to spend time with ds. Remind your dh that time goes fast and kids are only young once and hopefully he will not regret time lost. good luck!

    Answer by writeon at 6:32 PM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • That is a tough one! My husband works long hours and travels a ton. I have learned to work with it and he spends all weekend with the kids. He says he feels like he has to work as hard and as long as he does to make sure he provides for us. There is no way for me to change his mind, so I just make sure my kids get Dad time EVERY weekend... go golfing or time on his own on the weekends, he can shorten his work hours to do that. Good luck and try to find a middle ground!

    Answer by teampalmer4 at 6:32 PM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • You need to tell him straight up that he needs to start being home with you guys more often, that you are glad he loves his job and are very happy for him, HOWEVER he has a family that needs him too. Its very important he has time with his son especially now when he is young he is going to end up missing out on so much because he is choosing work over spending time w/ his loved ones. I had a similar issue w/ my dh, the only difference is that his job does depend on how much he works, since his job is all commission its like he has to be out there hustling ALL the time, but since telling him how important it is he be w/ me and our son he makes an effort to be home more often.


    Answer by hautemama83 at 6:34 PM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • Even on the weekends most of the time his mind is on work. It's like he can't shut out work for 5 minutes. He's at work right now...even though they told him he didn't have to come in today since it's the start of a holiday weekend. He's been there all day long. It's driving me nuts! I'm going to try to talk to him....again! I just want to be sure I'm not being unreasonable.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:39 PM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • Can I ask what sort of job he does? Why does he like it so much?

    Answer by hautemama83 at 6:54 PM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • my husband also works a salary job ...he has been there for 25 yrs so he is probly alot older than one case im thnking be thankful he has a good job in another im thinking that maybe he should cut back alittle for the sake of your husbandis home today and i just asked him he said you have to talk to him bluntly about why he is spending so many hours at work.good luck...

    Answer by nana77500 at 6:58 PM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • He works installing tv's in various business for a local sports magazine. He installs some kind of program on it that shows a clip from their magazine on it. He likes it because he gets to work with computers and gets paid for it. Thanks for all the suggestions...I'm still waiting for him to get home. I have only heard from him once all day long.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:28 PM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • Oh! And I have no clue what he does in the office for half the night. lol! All I know is that he has the key to the office and I assume that's where he is when everywhere they have tvs are closed.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:30 PM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • Maybe he is cheating.?

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:53 PM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • I don't think so. I think it's more of him wanting to get away from his son. As terrible as that sounds. Our son has autism and he's a bit of a challenge. I think he would rather be at work than have to "deal" with his son. I know several days he's been at best buy while he was supposed to be at work. I'm going to talk to him if he ever gets home. He told me at 5pm that he was heading home in a few minutes. It's now almost 8pm. And once again our son is in bed without seeing his dad all day.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:58 PM on Jul. 3, 2009

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