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Boys raised without fathers....

What effect do you think being raised without a father has on a boy? Whether it's due to death, child custody, etc....do you think it makes a difference in how the boy will eventually be when he's grown and has children of his own?

I'll state my opinion later. :)

 
StefanieN84

Asked by StefanieN84 at 10:17 PM on Jul. 3, 2009 in General Parenting

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This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • I was only pondering this because my husbands dad died when he was only 4 from Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I think it's incredibly sad, but apparently my MIL did something right because my husband is such a good man. He's never been into any serious trouble, he's a hard worker, and he has great ideas and beliefs on parenting. I'm pregnant with our first, a boy, and even though he never had a dad most of his life, it's like he already knows how to be a good father himself. I'm not one bit worried. Just wanted to mention an example of a boy without a father that grew up to be an amazing man, and though it's soon to say, will be an amazing father. I almost think he'll be an even better father for it, because he knows how much he wished that his father could have been a part of his life, and I know he wants to make his own dad, who i know is watching, proud. My son will be lucky...and so am I. :)
    StefanieN84

    Answer by StefanieN84 at 10:33 PM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • Truthfully, I don't really know what kind of affect it will have on the boy. Although, I do believe that if given appropriate male role models, he will turn out just fine. I have a son, I divorced his father almost 3 years ago and it's been a battle with the man ever since. I was concerned at first, but I truely believe that if I had stayed it would have caused more harm then good. My son is learning his "manly" things from my SO, my father, my uncles, etc. I don't think it impacts them too much. If anything maybe (if done right) they are more sensitive to women and their needs.
    TheDiva320

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 10:21 PM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • im married to a man who does not talk to his boys and first of all ive told him many times to talk to his sons he tells me to but out i know his boys are going to hate him one day he has a 13 and a 12 yr old but i know i cant change it that is something he is going to have to face one day as a father to his boys looking at him and saying your a dead beat peice of crap and i will agree with them i can not force my husband to do something but i know deep down his kids hate him for it
    that is my opinion about that
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:23 PM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • I think it has negative consequences for some boys. If there is a postive role model for them in their life like an uncle or grandfather and mom is not a man hater they probably will be fine. Over 2/3 in prison were from single family homes with no dads I think a person would have to be a bit blind to not see that a strong father or strong male role model is important to a child.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:24 PM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • Anon 924, I completely agree. I think it's important for boys to have male role models, but they don't have to be their fathers. Boys need that masculine influence in their lives. And moms really can't offer that to them.
    TheDiva320

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 10:26 PM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • I raised my son for his first eight years without a father figure of any kind. He was mostly raised by me, my mother, my sister, and various other women. I met my husband when my boy was about 6 but he didn't have any influence at that time. Growing up he had limited contact with my brothers due to location or just plain no contact (we're not an overly close family). He did have my father and that helped. Richard is now 23 and he's just fine. Not perfect by any means but he's well adjusted, caring, and giving. Maybe I just got lucky with him but I don't think so. I started teaching him at a very young age about respecting women and he learned well.
    AuntieM

    Answer by AuntieM at 10:34 PM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • I agree boys need that male role model, I don't necessarily agree that has to come from the father. My son's father has been in and out of his life every 3-4 months since he was born. He just recently started coming around and before that it was last november that he saw him. However, my son sees his 2 uncles on a regular basis, and my father almost daily, and I think its better he look up to these men then his own dad anyways. My brothers and father have much better morals and family values then my sons father, and are much more positive people. My son also looks up to my father, and listens better/respects him more often then he does me. He does listen to me, but if my dads around, then papa lays the law and its just not tampered with, with me he always has to put at least one toe over the line to see my reaction.
    ba13ygrl1987

    Answer by ba13ygrl1987 at 10:36 PM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • If no other male role models are offered up, then yes, I believe it does have a negative impact, not ONLY on him, but on all his future relationships. I highly respect the writing of Michael Gurian on this subject and suggest that any mothers or fathers who want the best for their sons to read his books to see what may be missing in their son's lives in meeting both personal and social needs.
    JPsMommy605

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 11:52 PM on Jul. 3, 2009

  • It all depends on the individuals involved. Boy, missing father, mother, attitude towards missing father, general raising of boy, environment, etc. It's not black and white at all. I figure no dad is better than a bad dad for anyone. Boy doesn't matter too much.
    jus1jess

    Answer by jus1jess at 12:04 AM on Jul. 4, 2009

  • First of all let me say that I believe ALL children need a male role model, for boys and girls it is a very important part of developing and growing up, IMO. Now that male role model doesnt always have to be a father or parent even, because as we all know it takes more to be a mom or dad than a sperm/egg doner. Now my husband grew up w/o his father and IMO had no real strong male role models in his life and I do in a sense see things about him that he might be stronger in had he had one, what exactly they are I cant explain (hey its still early for me lol), now at the same time my dh has zero interest in trying to ever have a relationship w/ his father, I think now because he is older, he has said though whenhe was young he would ask about him and get no answers.
    hautemama83

    Answer by hautemama83 at 12:54 PM on Jul. 4, 2009