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Once a hitter, Always a hitter?

I have a question, I have been with my boyfriend now for 8 months and we found out 4 months ago I am pregnant, well right after we found out I was pregnant he started to hurt me, Slapping, Choking, Slaming me against walls,biting, it has even happen a couple times where he has hit me with his belt. Problem is why I dont leave is he swears up and down that it wont happen again it is July 3 and it hasnt happen for 2 days now and I dont know if it is gonna stop. One day I finaly got up enough guts to ask him why he does it, he said " It turns me on and it helps me feel better" He told me he will go get counsling for it and that he swears its gonna change, but I dont know if it ever really will I really do love him, but if he does it for those reasons will he ever stop. He has it stuck in my head no one will believe me, but I took pictures of my black eye would that stand up for proof ? I Need Ideas and answers. Thank you

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:27 AM on Jul. 4, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (47)
  • http://www.ndvh.org/

    Help is available to callers 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Hotline advocates are available for victims and anyone calling on their behalf to provide crisis intervention, safety planning, information and referrals to agencies in all 50 states, Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands. Assistance is available in English and Spanish with access to more than 170 languages through interpreter services.

    If you or someone you know is frightened about something in your relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224
    VeronicaLee

    Answer by VeronicaLee at 1:34 AM on Jul. 4, 2009

  • It will happen again and again , until he gets help! Yes the pictures will stand up as proof!
    Unless he admits he has a problem----run fast and run far away! Good Luck!
    kgck_momma

    Answer by kgck_momma at 1:39 AM on Jul. 4, 2009

  • I have BTDT! My ex started getting violent when I was pregnant as well. It is very very common for abusive men to start or get worse when their wife or girlfriend is pregnant. This will not get better!

    I can not encourange you enough to call your local domestic violence shelter and talk to them about getting you some help!! It took me years to finally leave my abuser... but with the help of my local DV shelter, my kids and I got a new start and we are now, almost three years, free from the abuse.

    You can also post here for more help and feedback from other Moms that know what you are going through because they have been there too: http://www.cafemom.com/group/dvs_powerofbeingfree
    VeronicaLee

    Answer by VeronicaLee at 1:40 AM on Jul. 4, 2009

  • "Unless he admits he has a problem"


    Even if he admits he has a problem... You need to get out, and get help for yourself fast!! My ex admitted many times he had a problem, but the abuse continued!!

    VeronicaLee

    Answer by VeronicaLee at 1:42 AM on Jul. 4, 2009

  • Here is a gold mine of links related to domestic violence:

    http://cl-wishful78.tripod.com/RDAHomePage.cfm
    VeronicaLee

    Answer by VeronicaLee at 1:47 AM on Jul. 4, 2009

  • I would run and hide if it were me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:55 AM on Jul. 4, 2009

  • I was deeply in love with the father of my kid, actually blind in love. Before and After he found out I was pregnant he would give me black eyes & busted lips, he would hit me with metal hangers and poles and belts or stomp me out. He had a very serious Alcohol Problem and got very violent. With my first pregnancy he made me have an abortion, he told me if I didn't get rid of it that he would do it himself. But no matter what I still loved him and I believed that he will change. And he did, if you meet him now you would think he's a totally different man. He is the most loving and caring man now, and I'm pregnant again and he couldn't be happier. He cooks, cleans, takes care of the pets and doesn't drink only in special occassions. We have been together 4 years now and he hasnt layed a hand on me. If you love your man, you can help him change but if you dont love him just walk away.
    katsogrimey

    Answer by katsogrimey at 2:02 AM on Jul. 4, 2009

  • Domestic lines will take the baby away from you and it will show in your record that you have been abused and have mental problems, nobody that hasn't gone through what you have been through can help your or understand. Sit back and think what is better for you or what you want, only YOU have the best answer to the situation.
    katsogrimey

    Answer by katsogrimey at 2:04 AM on Jul. 4, 2009

  • I believed my babys daddy would change for 8 years & he still hasn't. It only gets worse & worse over the years & trust me you don't want your child to witness it . My child was very young when his dad was violent towards me & he is 7 yrs. Old now & still very tramatized by what I went though & i'd give ANYTHING to have left earlier & been able to not have wasted so much time on my abuser , please leave while u can!!!! There is good guys out there that will treat u good , I know cuz I found one & he takes care of my kids from previous relationships. Good luck& listen 2 your family & friends cuz I didn't & wish now that I did. If he hits you while your pregnant you are indangering your child. Please leave!!!!
    luvmyangels3

    Answer by luvmyangels3 at 2:06 AM on Jul. 4, 2009

  • Domestic lines will take the baby away from you and it will show in your record that you have been abused and have mental problems, nobody that hasn't gone through what you have been through can help your or understand. Sit back and think what is better for you or what you want, only YOU have the best answer to the situation.


    That is ABSOLUTLY NOT TRUE!!!!! That is what an ABUSER will tell you!!! It is NOT TRUE!!!! I have BTDT and that is NOT will happen!! Talk to some BTDT Moms... Do NOT believe katsogrimey.... I promise what she is telling you is a flat out lie!

    VeronicaLee

    Answer by VeronicaLee at 2:10 AM on Jul. 4, 2009

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