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How do I get my 20-year-old son to still follow house rules?

I have a 20-years-old son with a learning disability. He has been told by his friends, that since he is legally an adult that he no longer has to follow house rules, such as coming in at a reasonable time, doing his laundry (sometimes he doesnt do it for 5 or 6 weeks), cleaning up after himself.



He says that now that he has a

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JeanJeanJean

Asked by JeanJeanJean at 10:09 AM on Jul. 4, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

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Answers (15)
  • Is he incapable of living on his own?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:13 AM on Jul. 4, 2009

  • Disability or not,,If he is not going to abide by the house rules,,Start making him pay you to live there..He sound smart enough to act up..He smart enough to move out on his own.JMO..

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 10:14 AM on Jul. 4, 2009

  • Oh yes, I forgot, he does pay rent $200 per month, but that is another reason that he says he doesnt have to clean or keep his room up. Twice he has infested the house with ants
    JeanJeanJean

    Answer by JeanJeanJean at 10:21 AM on Jul. 4, 2009

  • Cleaning up yes he should still do of course! Coming home at a reasonable time... I don't know about that one, I think at 20 he should be able to come and go as he pleases. Maybe you could come up with a compromise that if he cleans up you'll stop bugging him about what time to come home.
    MammaMcC

    Answer by MammaMcC at 10:26 AM on Jul. 4, 2009

  • I agree with MammaMcC. He should definitely clean up after himself. As to his laundry, well...he's an adult, Mom. No one can look to you if he smells bad or is wearing dirty clothes. It's on him at 20. And coming home at a reasonable hour...again, he's 20. When I turned 18, my parents changed the rule to I could stay out however late I wanted, but I did have to give them a time when I planned to be home by and call if I would be late or decided to stay at a friends or whatever so they wouldn't worry. Perhaps you could do that? It's possible that everything he is doing is b/c he feels you're still treating him like a child. I understand it's your house, and you can set whatever rules you want, but maybe it's time to rethink them just a touch.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 11:40 AM on Jul. 4, 2009

  • tell him for a few hundred more dollars a month, he can move out and do whatever he wants. whats his disability? i know it may hurt you, but even with a disability, you want him to be a good independent man...so make him step up or step out. people with disabilities live alone everyday...and if he really needs that much help from you, he will discover it quickly after being on his own. and a little FYI for him: friends/roommates are no more tolerant than parents when it comes to rodent and insect infestation. the grass may not be greener on the other sided for him and his friends might learn what its like to walk in your shoes too.
    brodysmama23

    Answer by brodysmama23 at 11:48 AM on Jul. 4, 2009

  • Bag up his crap and put it on the front lawn and tell him if he doesn't start cleaning up after himself to hit the bricks
    Starfire73

    Answer by Starfire73 at 4:06 PM on Jul. 4, 2009

  • If he causes you to have to kill ants make him pay for the cleanup next time this happens. Start giving subtle hints that girls don't like smelly guys and they like guys with clean clothes. Don't do the laundry for him. His friends have done you and your son a disservice by giving him ill advice. If he pays rent then he probably feels he can come and go as he pleases. Have an adult conversation about what you both expect from this arrangement. If you can't agree that he should at least call if he is going to be late then he can room with some of his buddies, or take a place of his own. This is still your home and there has to be some ground rules.
    Bears963

    Answer by Bears963 at 3:21 AM on Jul. 5, 2009

  • YOUR house,YOUR rules,period! Listen,our children can take advantage of the genorousity of their parents if we allow it. Tough love is hard sometimes,but,he needs to learn no matter of the disability.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:37 PM on Jul. 5, 2009

  • If he is waiting 5 or 6 weeks to do laundry he either owns too many clothes or smells. He is 20, and may or may not be able to be on his own. You know your child, however, sitting down together and reviewing the rules, write them out may help you both adjust to his needing to feel more adult. If you are not able to reach an agreement you may need to help him look for a place of his own. I gave one of my boys an apartment finder book (free at the grocery stores) when he and I couldn't agree. We wrote a budget and he started slowing down on the demands.
    7babies4me

    Answer by 7babies4me at 8:02 PM on Jul. 5, 2009

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