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how do I stop fighting with my husband over sex?

I have no intrest in sex right now but i am having sex with my husband about once a week, we used to have it about 3 times a week. I just had my 4th baby in April, we now have 5 kids altogether. I am also BF and on the pill. My husband is pissed that I just don't feel like it. If i do have sex with him he's still mad because he know i don't really want to. I don't really mind having sex just to keep him happy but he wants to do all these other things to me and I hate to be touche "down there" unless I'm really horny (could be the result of past sexual abuse ?) He is now insiting that if I don't want to have sex with him I must be doing it, or want to do it with someone else. I have tried to explain to him it could be hormones and that this is normal but he won't listen. I dread going to bed at night and I avoid touching him at all because i don't want to get him going. I'm so upset I don't know what to do : (


Asked by Anonymous at 11:28 AM on Jul. 4, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I could be the one asking this very question. Men don't seem to understand that for women it can be so many things involved that lowers our sex drive....and having them complain does not help one single bit !!!!! It could be hormones, maybe you're exhausted from raising the kids, it could be medical, it could be the Birth Control you're on, it could be self-esteem issues, the lists go on and on.
    i understand what you're feeling. my husband is the same way. I'm having a full hysterectomy soon, and boy won't he be thrilled after that one.......
    I feel llike you have to put yourself first right now. Worrying about it, dreading it, thinking about how to get out of's all exhausting..Been there done that...still doing that actually....hahaha
    I don't like to even hold hands sometimes because I know he thinks that means he'll get lucky later. I just want to hold hands. What's the big deal????? I so wish men had

    Answer by lighthousemom3 at 11:51 AM on Jul. 4, 2009

  • You should both take a trip to your doctor. Explain to your doc how you are feeling and make sure your husband is there to hear what the doc has to say. It is normal for women to feel this way because of hormones and stuff but you don't have to stay this way. See if there is something your doc can do for you. As for the sexual abuse, have you seen a therapist to try to work out some of those issues?

    Answer by Tawanda74 at 11:33 AM on Jul. 4, 2009

  • talk to your dr.

    Answer by abbynzachsmommy at 11:34 AM on Jul. 4, 2009

  • He sounds selfish. Try asking him to be more understanding of your feelings.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:39 AM on Jul. 4, 2009

  • Say no when he's calm to let you know but tell him if he's an ass again there will be no conversation.

    With all that you have on your plate you don't need his pressure at all. Take care of your self for life before taking care of his sex demands.

    I'd not go to a doctor, I'd go to a counsellor instead. he's a man he's made by God to think of sex 24/7. Get yourself in to a counselling session, say what you need your husband to listen to.

    You can't make him hear you but through counselling you can make him listen to you. The counsellor will help you both understand your legitimate reasons for no interest.

    If your husband only wants you for sex with five babies of any ages then there is no respect from him for you or your children. He needs to respect you for your children to learn respect from him.
    And most of all you need to nurture your body and what its gone through and going through.
    Respect yourself first.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:40 AM on Jul. 4, 2009

  • to deal with some of the stuff we do. Then maybe they could understand WHY our desire slacks off some over time. God Bless

    Answer by lighthousemom3 at 11:51 AM on Jul. 4, 2009

  • I'm with a couple of the moms cause if it is just hormones the dr could give you something.

    Its hard tho for me to understand cause I have a higher sex drive than my husband so I can't imagine turning him down when he wants it.

    Answer by jazzysmommy1004 at 11:55 AM on Jul. 4, 2009

  • I had a similar issue about a year ago. I talked to my dr and it ended up being my bc. I wanted to vomit just thinking about sex. Total turn off! I got off bc eventually because we wanted more children. Within a month I was back to normal. That was this past fall, I am now 12 weeks preg!

    Answer by luvbnmomnwife at 12:06 PM on Jul. 4, 2009