What about expectant parents soliciting online?

There seems to be much talk about how PAPS "solicit" on forums, message boards, groups or to "shop" or "troll" for someone else's baby.

But recently I have discovered that there is a great amount of expectant parents TROLLING adoptive parent forums and groups trying to sell their babies.

There was a poster on a popular adoption website who went on there asking what could she get for adoption. What expenses was she entitled to if she did it and what bills could be paid. She had no questions about how to search for adoptive families, interviewing, counseling, contact with baby, none of that. Her main concern was what could she gain from it.

Another beef I have is why do expectant parents take the time to register for an acct. to an adoption forum & talk about their pregnancy and then get upset when being "solicited"?

Why is this ok and why is this ignored as if it is acceptable for them to do this? What makes a mother stoop

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:42 PM on Jul. 4, 2009 in Adoption

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that low to attemp to profit off of her own baby?

On the same website, the expectant father, behind his So's back, is trying to solicit couples for their baby. She has no idea this is going on. He does not want the baby and is trying to find couples for this child.

As a parent I just do not get it.

Why?

Answer by Anonymous at 3:43 PM on Jul. 4, 2009

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Some one will be very happy to buy that baby or child... maybe the child will get a better life out of the deal. So its a potential win-win situation...

Answer by VeronicaLee at 4:05 PM on Jul. 4, 2009
Credits: 188 Level 7

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I don't think it is ok and I wonder how many of them are scammers anyway. As for this "Another beef I have is why do expectant parents take the time to register for an acct. to an adoption forum & talk about their pregnancy and then get upset when being "solicited"?" It should be ok for an emom to ask questions about adoption and talk about adoption without being solicited. You have to remember she isn't a birth mom, it shouldn't be assumed she's going to give up her baby and soliciting her for her baby is not on. She has every right to be upset.

Answer by onethentwins at 4:26 PM on Jul. 4, 2009
Credits: 12124 Level 21 Adoption Minor

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Ummmm, I agree with VeronicaLee again. If the bm doesn't want the baby, there are tons and tons of people out there who do. Those people could give it a loving, affectionate, happy home that it may not have otherwise. I think the crime would be for noone to say anything and allow a baby that is not wanted to grow up in a home where it is neglected or abused. I guess it all depends on how you look at it.....BUT......a bm trying to SELL a baby online??? Now that is completely WRONG !!! This isn't a puppy you know, but a human life.

Answer by lighthousemom3 at 6:50 PM on Jul. 4, 2009
Credits: 10 Level 2

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On a similar vein, look at the post on here where a bmom is asking about doing egg donation for the parent of her birth son. First answer I believe was telling her she deserves at least $10,000.

For some people it is about the money/

Answer by Anonymous at 7:44 PM on Jul. 4, 2009

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In most cases giving them anything is illegal. not only that but it is morally wrong and disgusting on both ends. The ppl selling AND the buyers. This is a human being! Not something that should be auctioned off!

Answer by Anonymous at 8:20 PM on Jul. 4, 2009

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To the poster above, Actually that is incorrect, in most cases it is 100% legal and trust me, highly expected. There are very few states that dont allow it and potential bmoms stay away from couples in those state because they cant pay. Most states do have a cap of a couple of thousands of dollars and in my experience, the bmom knows exactly how much she is entitled to, to the penny. Other states allow it to be unlimited.
To the OP: good post and good point

Answer by Anonymous at 8:35 PM on Jul. 4, 2009

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We were in Kansas the first time we adopted. We were told by our attorney that we couldn't so much as "buy her a Coke" without checking with him first. I would be very cautious about dealing with someone without the help of a good agency or facilitator. PAPs need to do their homework and check on the agency's reputation and way of doing things, but I believe there are some good ones out there.

I believe a lot of the people who are soliciting PAPs online have no intention of placing a baby for adoption. They are not ever going to be birthmothers in the adoption triad. Some of them are nothing but criminals. I am talking about the women who take money from more than one couple. I've seen cases where the women weren't even pregnant! IMO, it is too easy to get scammed dealing with someone who is operating like this.

Answer by Iamgr8teful at 10:18 PM on Jul. 4, 2009
Credits: 19120 Level 24 Adoption Minor

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Why is it that when you have expectant women/bmoms on here who are posting and ask for money outright or saying something inappropriate, everyone just pooh-poohs it and assumes they are scammers or just crazies. Yet whenever a couple who knows nothing about adoption comes on here and says something ignorant, they are taken seriously and suddenly represent all adoptive parents.

Answer by Anonymous at 1:55 AM on Jul. 5, 2009

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Anon 12:55 - I'm not quite understanding your comment. Can you give an example of someone who knew nothing about adoption and said something ignorant, then was taken seriously and represent all adoptive parents? Personally, I don't think there is anyone who represents all adoptive parents. Maybe I missed the posts you're talking about.

There are scammers out there, and anyone who is not a scammer should not be offended by that statement. I know several couples who have been scammed to the tune of thousands of dollars.

Answer by Iamgr8teful at 2:57 PM on Jul. 5, 2009
Credits: 19120 Level 24 Adoption Minor

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