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16 and selfish

my 16 year old daughter was mad at me the other night and treated me like crap. She said a lot of hurtful things to me like when shes 18 shes moving out and I will never see her again and if she has kids I will never see them. She told me that im not her mom anymore and she hates me and she said a lot of other stuff and she wouldnt shut up. I was so hurt that I cried for at least an hour. I know i will be bashed for this but I did hit her on the arms and legs with my hands because she was being out of control and pushing and grabbing me. I cant get all the hurtful words out of my head I think about it often. Mom said I need to call the cops and have them come and talk to her but I love her so much. I do everything for my kids make sure they dont go without even if it means I do. She is so selfish and only thinks about herself . As long as everything goes her way we have peace if not its hell. Any advice for me?

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:47 AM on Jul. 5, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (11)
  • haha..16 again...I wouldn't do it..My child isn't there yet,but when I was that age I said that all the time. I hated my mother or that I was gone the night b4 my b-day.And of course she getts mad when you don't give her her way. SHE IS 16! AND THINKS SHE KNOWS BEST! just make sure you be fair with her.don't judge her and always be there for her to feel like she has some1 to come and talk too.I know it must be very hard..

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:50 AM on Jul. 5, 2009

  • The best thing that happened to my parents and me was I moved out when I was 18. When I was a teenager it was basically war in the house. Once I moved out and got my own place and got married, my parents and I got along better than ever before.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:53 AM on Jul. 5, 2009

  • I was a mouthy teenager and thought I was invincible (as most do). I actually left at 16 and went to job corps to get my education and learn a vocational trade. I went out of state and was gone for almost 2 that time I realized how stupid and selfish I was and how much my parents have done and still do for me. They are my best friends and I regret that I was such a turd to them when I was young. I was forced to grow up and learn to be on my own and boy did it change my attitude...and very quickly too I might add, within the first couple of months my outlook changed drastically.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:01 AM on Jul. 5, 2009

  • First of all, most of the things she said are true for her at this moment only and were said in anger by a 16 year old, whose brain is not yet even fully developed...i.e.the selfishness. Try not to take it personally. Is this a result of her not agreeing with or liking the limits you've set? When my dd, 15, says things like this to me I say, "That's OK. It's OK that you hate me. I probably would too if I were your age." She will grow out of this...keep talking to her. Maybe counseling could help. If she'd agree, try to do something fun together...movies, beach, lunch or dinner. Invite one of her friends (that you like) and one of your friends along? Just a few ideas...good luck :)

    Answer by dflygirl7 at 8:52 AM on Jul. 5, 2009

  • You hit her and you're surprised she wants to leave and doesn't want her future kids around you? Hitting your child like that is a huge breach of trust, especially by the time they're basically adults themselves. The last time my mother hit me I was about 14 (I hit back which is probably why she never tried it again) and that was it. I have no respect for her and I very rarely leave my kids alone with her because I just don't trust her to treat them any better than she treated me.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:53 AM on Jul. 5, 2009

  • If my 13 year old even tries to hit me, he will be flat on his back so fast his head will spin. NO child will hit me without getting hit back. If a child thinks they are adult enough to hit me, they are adult enough to get hit back, It's called self defense. The next time your daughter hits you, CALL THE COPS and let them take her to jail for assult. She is 16 and knows better than to hit her mother. Start treating her like the adult she thinks she is, charge her rent, utlities, food, etc. Do not take her anywhere, do not buy her anything, do not do anything for her until she learns to be respectful. When I was 16, I wouldn't have even thought of hitting my mother, I would have been dead. My mother and I may not get along, but I would have never thought of hitting her. Take her to counseling for anger management too. Sounds like she needs it.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 2:02 PM on Jul. 5, 2009

  • Most of my older kids were mouthy but livable at that age, but one of them was hell on wheels. He is now 22 and has a son of his own. He is in the army and did his time in Iraq. It was the best thing for him. He learned patience and respect and when he was in Iraq he called me and said "you would not believe how ungrateful these people are". "Ummm, you mean like teenagers?" He has finally matured and become the sweet loving person I knew was hiding in there all along. She will out grow it eventually. You have to learn to ignore the mouth, and if she hits you call the cops, don't hit her back. As hard as it is, and as big as she looks she still is only a goofy kid.

    You may want to enforce the idea that you don't owe her anything but a roof and 3 meals. No more good clothes, thrift stores are adequate, no cell phone, that's your money not hers, meals out, snacks, gone. When she is nice to you be nice back, she'll catch on.

    Answer by 7babies4me at 10:17 PM on Jul. 5, 2009

  • My 15 ds can also be an a.. I think all teens think we owe them the world. I have also realized that when I make him mad by not giving him what he wants I am doing my job as a mom. Because everything good in life we have to work for. I think this will pass. When I was a teen I did not always like my mom but as an adult she is one of my best friends. Stay strong, Good Luck

    Answer by dillonsma at 2:51 PM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • Anonymous 8:53 AM: FIrst of all she said her daughter was hitting her and grabbing her FIRST. No parent - no person has to take that and I for damn sure am not taking it from my child. She didn't PUNCH her child out. I fully expected to get hit back if I hit my mother - duh. And my children should too (when they get that old) I would never hit them to just hit them - even if they did say hateful things to me but if they put their hands on me, I slap their arms and legs.
    My mom almost slapped me once - because I told my stepdad that she was cheating on him. If she would have slapped me, I totally would have had a hard time forgiving her. If I hit her first, I'd fully expect getting hit back.
    To OP: I'm sorry. I have no words for you. I just felt like I should say something about ol' Judgey McJudge-son up there.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:26 AM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • i was the same way and did the same thing to my mom. it was tough being a teenager and growing up and for some reason, i took it out on her even though she did everything for me. but i grew out of that around 18 or 19 and now me and her are best friends.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 9:51 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

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